Tag Archives: truth

No Coincidences in Life 🌴

They say that people come in and out of your life for a reason/purpose. Sometimes we know the purpose immediately, other times we don’t. And sometimes we don’t realize the purpose until they have left. Some stay in your life forever and others for seconds, perhaps minutes. 

I remember listening to an audio book years ago called “The 5 people you meet in Heaven”. I picked up the book after hearing Hoda Kotb, an NBC Journalist speak about the impact the book had on her and how it helped her get through some really tough times. I too took to the book thinking who will be the 5 people I meet in Heaven and why? 

In the book, the author speaks about Eddie, an older man who met his untimely death while trying to save a little girl and now he’s going through the five stages of Heaven, meeting a person in each of the stages. 

Each person means something and there was a lesson to be learned at each stage. I remember one of the lessons he learned was that there are no random events in life and all individuals and experiences are connected in some way.  Simply put, there are no coincidences.


As I lay here, writing and thinking – today (Monday, June 19th), marks the 1-week anniversary of a man I never knew, I never spoke to him, I never heard his voice, I never once saw him in the street, yet I was chosen by some divine force to witness his untimely death; to kneel beside his helpless and injured body. I just stood there, asking him for his wife’s phone number so I can call her – but no response (yet I wonder if he heard me). He was slowly drifting away. I can feel it, I knew it – I knew he was on his way to Heaven. Felt it coming when the bus I was on was traveling behind him, then next to him and then he was gone…. it was at that point that I felt this connection. I was immediately heart broken for this man and his family. I didn’t know why! I’ve played the scene over and over in my head – thanking God for sparing me the picture of seeing his body being run over by the 3,000 pound bus I was on. But it didn’t matter that I didn’t see the actual impact, I knew it was going to happen the minute we came to close and the bus driver decided to pass him. He was to my right – I can see him and then I couldn’t ~ 

I later learned he died and it felt like I lost a friend! I went home that evening and cried and cried – all night! Woke up hurt, confused and angry. I had to stay home. I began to think that there was something I needed to do besides tell the truth to the media who had the story wrong. So I reached out to the bus company to give my statement, but no call back – no call back till this day.

I spoke to my mom minutes after and it was at that moment that I realized I needed to connect with his family, at least to hear their voice, see a picture, to tell them that he did nothing wrong – he was an innocent cyclist riding to work that morning. It brought me some peace when his wife immediately responded to me and later his two friends. I spoke to one of them several times since the accident but I know they need to heal – so I give them space. 

I suppose I’ve done my part in telling the truth, in giving peace to his family… but still, this man weighs heavy in my thoughts and I ask myself why? 

It’s taken me a week to start writing, to process, to reflect – I know I have to begin to heal and move away from this but I’m just not sure how and if that’s even possible. My bus mates ask how I’m doing and I am grateful. Some ask “what happened?” and it conjures up ill feelings but I know they mean well. My friends and family have been supportive and I’m blessed. Some don’t ask because they know it’s hard.

My anxiety goes through the roof the moment I take my seat on that bus, the moment he/she presses on the break, the moment I see us come close to a bike – I close my eyes! It’s wicked I tell you but I fight through it, every morning and evening since the accident.  

But I ask myself as I lay in my bed – “why me?” 

Why me? As the book stated – there are no random incidents. Something I’ve often stated in my writings “everything happens for a reason”….

But still, why me? Like I haven’t already lost people who have meant the world to me either through death or separation. Like I haven’t gone through enough shit in my 44 years of life! Like I haven’t cried and hurt enough! Why the fuck me and why now? 

Why do I have to lay here and cry – why? (I have no idea why the eye doctor said I have dry eyes – I swear they have no problems producing tears!! Lol – now stop crying – I want you to read past this…we got this far and because truth be told, it’s also hard for me to write if I’m balling.. this is going to stop now!) I think…maybe not! 


(Con’d… 6/20) 

So back to why? I initially thought (and still believe) that I was meant to be on that bus to be his eyes and ears! To speak out the truth to all who got the story wrong. To be able to tell his wife that her husband was the victim of a bad accident and that there was nothing he could do to avoid it (he didn’t see it coming). But there’s more to the why, there has to be. 

I now realize that the why also means that I needed a reality check! That I needed to open up my eyes and see this beautiful world we live in and that no matter the bad apples who come into your life to deplete your energy, there are so many beautiful apples (seeds) to be planted, groomed, to be picked, savored and enjoyed. 

That no matter how bad things may feel or get, that your perception of those times are flawed by the circumstance and doesn’t means it’s forever!

That life is filled with so many beautiful things, people and opportunities, and that WE MUST make time for those we love, WE MUST make time to take care of ourselves first and others, that WE MUST appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly because it teaches us so many lessons, that WE MUST live each day as if it was our last because we NEVER know when it’ll be our last and lastly, WE MUST always do right by our neighbor! It doesn’t matter what, why or how; when someone needs you or when you are called to the aid of someone by some divine calling – you just go! 

So that’s my WHY! 

Rest in eternal peace the friend I never knew – you join the many amazing men I know in Heaven 🌴 

#DanHanegby #06122017 – Thank you for opening my eyes once again! ❤️🙏🏽

  

Don’t apologize for it! 

This is deep…. 
As much as I preach to “own your truth”, to “live outside your comfort zone” and to “love yourself first”, it’s easy to allow outside noise influence what goes on in your brain and the choices you ultimately make! 

This note reminds us that what we know that the truth and knowledge we store in our minds, what we feel to be true in our souls and hearts – that is NOT and should NOT be dismissed! 

You are/we are who we are: smart, beautiful, wise and loving (and so much more) and it’s so important that we never dumb ourselves down for anyone; that we not loose who we are and what we are meant to be, that we not be intimidated by the weakness of others and lastly, that we not forget that a mind is a beautiful thing to waste simply because those in our circle may be too weak to accept and appreciate it! Ladies, work on that circle you keep because not everyone is meant to be in it and/or stay there! 

As our wonderful First Lady Michelle Obama said “don’t apologize for it”! Be true to you and always #ownyourtruth because as I’ve said before, the world will adjust! Sometimes I even need to be reminded and there ain’t nothing wrong with that! Now let’s be #AMAZING #MUJERES #LADIES 

Follow my blog at http://www.lovingmefirstblog.wordpress.com ❤️🎤

Luz y colores mi gran amigo Hector

It’s been nearly 4 months since the unexpected passing of one of my best friends! There’s been many of times I’ve tried to write about him, about our friendship, but to no avail. Never quite strong enough to get through my writing.

They say you never quite know how much someone means to you until they are gone…. So true! I surely knew how important he was in my life when his soul was alive, but with him no longer here, I certainly understand and have a new found appreciation of the “why” he was important.

I’ve always believed that every friend, every person that walks in and out of our lives, serves a purpose! Whether to listen to your woes, to provide sound or even obscure advise (such can be comical or whimsical in nature), others are there to make your boo-boos feel better, to laugh, to cry with, dance, talk, guide….etc (you get the picture) – friends serve a purpose – even the ones that are no longer in our lives (perhaps they were never a friend – but certainly served a purpose). Either way, that’s what my friend Hector was for me – all of the above and then some!

If you know me well then you know I owe some of my inner & outer strengths to him! He believed in the purpose, in the strength & power of a woman. He believed in me and in moments of doubt, fear, confusion and cloudiness – he was there to push me through… To provide stern advise, sensible wisdom, laughter, tainted humor and always a listening ear no matter how busy or strained his day! Whether via call, a text, a meet-up, Hector made time for his friend!

No closure! No goodbye, no closure for me in knowing why he took his life so sudden, so unexpected, so rash – so devilish in nature!

As much as I want to be angry at him for leaving his family, his friends, for no longer having our friendship, I can’t! Mental illness, for no matter how much it appears someone has it together, no matter how smart, wise, rational one appears – mental illness lies deep within the soul; so deeply rooted that while in the outer you sustain, deep within you are broken — feeling like there’s no way out! You are a functioning depressed person until your rock bottom is too heavy to dig yourself out.

He always encouraged me to write! To share my journey because in some form or fashion – we all have something amazing to share, and the idea behind sharing is that someone is inspired or empowered by your story!

Your journey, much like depression and suicide, is never something to be hidden, to be embarrassed about! I can hear him now, telling me that what he did was wrong on so many levels, a gravely ill mistake not fully comprehending the everlasting damage & impact it left behind – a pain that filters the veins….

He would never object to my writing about him, in fact, he would encourage such writings! To tell the world that suicide is never an answer and while it was his answer – it was the wrong answer!

I will never really know why, no one will ever know why – not even the letters he left behind will answer the why… His thoughts and his reasonings were his to have.

Wanting nothing more than to call, to send him a text to talk – just to talk about life, my journey, my woes, to laugh, to cry, to receive guidance, wisdom, perhaps an empowering quote, to talk about life and the human behavior (lol) … but they’d be no response! No response from my dear friend who is no longer here!

I hold on to his last text just three days before his death, his voicemail from just two days before… His words of encouragement, his words of wisdom –

Sad and sorry I could not help him get through his woes, his demons – for they were much bigger than me, then his wife & kids, then him!

My missing him is much bigger than my anger and hurt and disappointment. No closure, no goodbyes, no nothing… Just a text, a voicemail ~

But what I do have is this embodied strength that continues to manifest ~ that’s why I can’t and choose not to be angry no matter how much I miss him!

Allz I know is that this world is missing an amazing man – my dear friend! I do thank God for providing me with his friendship and for giving me amazing friends; for continuing to provide & to bless me with people who inspire, love and build me.

I know Hector is never coming back – yet, I find myself incredibly blessed to have had this man enter my life when he did. I just wish he could see me now on this new journey filled with strength, health, friends and new love!

He’d say he is ok! He’d tell me to continue to live life to the fullest! To be true to self first! To love me first! To be honest, loyal, giving, humble, respectful, and most importantly – to be a woman of my word! To love hard no matter what! To trust in my journey for it will not lead me on the wrong path! That we must cease every moment, that every moment we experience is a life lesson; that we must end each day with a lesson learned and wake up each morning with a purpose / with a goal to learn something knew and to pay it forward!

As I write, my Pandora plays, and on comes my dad’s song…

I have Angels guiding me… I know I do – because I believe, I love and I feel!

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Helps individuals in suicidal crisis within the United States.

Luz y Colores mi gran amigo Hector 🌴

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To Love All

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I’ve realized that some people do and say things just to be accepted.

They need to tell the world that they are okay, that they love life, that they love you, that they love community, that they love it all – love is the answer!!

For some, this is actually true – kudos to you! These are the people whose actions speak louder than words!

But for many others, however, they are not okay with “self/love”, and this is the scary part because the only disservice they are doing, is a disservice to “self”. Saying and acting otherwise, really fools no one but yourself.

In fact, it can be perceived by others as fake, untruth, not genuine, not a real friend – a story teller.

It’s totally okay to say that you’re not good, you’re not feeling well, and while you want the best for others (love all), that perhaps you’re not in the right place.

This is not about telling the world that life is not perfect, that perhaps there are some things in your life that are not working the way you want them to be, or that perhaps your heart and your life isn’t as fulfilled as you let the world know it to be, but rather being true to you.

Like I’ve stated in other posts, other writings, and in conversations that I have had with some; before we can preach love, act love, live love, we need to “self” love!

I created this blog for many reasons, those reasons are in my bio – those reasons are explicitly stated in the dozen or so writings I’ve shared. But as life continues, and lessons are learned, I continue to grow and experience some real hard lessons – life.

I don’t mask with “love all” but rather challenge you, empower you, challenge the mind with thought, remind you all to be strong, to fight those inner thoughts that can often cloud your judgement, and finally, to love yourself first!

Don’t confuse the word “love” with “self-infatuation”! But more “love” in lenses of reflection, actions, behavior, problem solving…

#lovingmefirst

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2014: Mind, Body & Spirit

Yes! Only you can take care of your mind, body & spirit (soul). Those you let into your inner circle are suppose to nourish it & never bruise it!

As you begin to finalize your goals for the new year, I encourage you to make room on your list of ways to put yourself first!

These acts of selfishness are totally necessary. It’s the only way you can assure that you are balanced!

As I reflect on this past year, I realize how blessed I am to have an amazing family, an uber-amazing life partner, and a circle of friends that have aided in my growth as a woman!

There have been lapses in judgement, and I’ve let people in who have done a disservice to my soul; nonetheless, as I look ahead to 2014, I know that these things were suppose to happen. I realize that things happen for a reason, but that ultimately, I am the one in control of my mind, body & spirit!

I will only allow in those who fuel my fire, not throw water at it! I will only allow in those that feed my brain with nutrients that add to my growth as a woman. I will only allow in those that make me happy! I will follow my gut (my soul, my spirit if you will) – for it will never steer me in the wrong direction!

I will owe no one an explanation for my decisions – because my decisions are what’s right for me & my soul. I will stay true to my core, to my values, to my true friends, to my family, to my career!

I will continue to love me first, for you can never truly love others if you don’t love you first!

#lovingmefirst

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One Month

One Month…

Not sure why I get this sense of urgency to write when I should be sleeping instead…oh well!

So my mind is racing – so much has happened since I last wrote. For one, I make a month in my new position! Woohoo! Gotta admit I’m quite pooped but I absolutely love it! Feels like I’ve been in my position for years..lol, but I really think it feels that way because the work is fulfilling on so many levels. My love for community, advocacy, empowerment and providing resources to those who are often left without a voice runs deep in my soul! To meet like-minded people who share in the same vision & passion is rewarding and incredibly breathtaking!

This past month has also allowed for a lot of reflection as I’ve found myself on several occassions having to protect & defend my personal space. I wrote several months ago about the power of friends & how each friendship adds a different value to your life. Each so special & different & rewarding.

It is when those friendships/relationships are tested that you find yourself reflecting – forcing you to rethink your boundaries, your values & what your expectations are for those friendships – asking yourself “what does this friendship/relationship mean & how important is it in my life?” Does it add value?

I realize that for me (and you don’t have to agree), that no matter the type of friendship – the relationship at its core has to always remain honest and respectful; one should never have to defend or explain integrity, value, commitment or loyalty. I feel that once these concerns come up – then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate that friendship/relationship for authenticity!

I get that all friendships, much like intimate relationships, are different & unique and ALL require work (commitment, communication and yes – respect)!

And much like relationships – when friendships outgrow eachother, or when it’s no longer fun or respectful or sincere – it’s time to walk away ~ they’re just certain things that are really not worth holding on to or working on when you know in your gut it’s just not worth the energy!

I find myself telling my daughter that “she needs to protect her personal space” – that she needs to “create boundaries” that can keep her safe, sane & healthy!

Same rules apply to adults!

I remember when she was a little kid (she technically still is at almost 18 ..lol, but you know what I mean)… when a girl was mean to her, I would tell her to let the girl know how it makes her feel. If the issues continue – then it’s time to walk away from this little girl – there are plenty of friends to be made & that she should never accept someone being mean to her.

Why do we forget those same basic principles as we become adults? I know why – it’s this inner thought that “we can fix it all and that as adults – we give each other the benefit of the doubt or we help eachother get through it”. We work and we work and we work until it becomes toxic!

Hmmm… this is a tough one

I suppose the saying “it’s easier said than done” applies to this topic!!

Life is tough – it is! Friendships, well, that shouldn’t be so tough!

Nonetheless, I am blessed & happy to have a circle of respectful, intelligent, funny, opinionated, strong, powerful & independent sisters in my life! They are in my life because there was never a question of integrity, trust, honesty or loyalty!

I will continue to protect my space. If I don’t let you in, it’s not because I don’t think you’re worthy, it’s only because I need to protect ME!

“Lovingmefirst” and if you don’t understand why – then perhaps you need to do some reflecting of your own

Peace & Love ~

I leave you with this impactful quote ~

“How would your life be different if…You approached all relationships with authenticity and honesty? Let today be the day…You dedicate yourself to building relationships on the solid foundation of truth and authenticity.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

My beautiful girl ~

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Do you really want to know?

Do you really want to know?

Is knowing better than not knowing and vise versa?

We’ve all said it at one time or another…”I’d much rather not know than know”!

Why? Cause the truth sometimes hurts…way deep down inside.

I often ask myself – do I really want to know if my kids are sexually active? Not really… but as a responsible parent, I would definitely inform them of their choices, options, resources, and I would definitely listen if they needed to talk or found themselves in trouble.

Do I really want to know if my kids are smoking, drinking and/or involved in some form of illegal activities? Not really (hey, just saying)… But if they are, were or even thinking about it, I’d have a long heart-to-heart conversation(s) about the consequences – addiction, jail, loss of job, family, health, mental health….

Do you really want to know if your partner is having an affair? If you’ve been diagnosed with a deadly STD? Do you really want your friend to tell you or you to him/her that they are a shitty friend, or that someone is selfish or insencere or just plain ole-stupid?

Come on… we’ve all thought of one of these scenarios….
Be honest!

At the end of the day, these are tough conversations to have with anyone, let alone those you really love.

Many of us refuse to have these conversations because they may see the truth as a reflection of their parenting, a reflection of their ability (or inability) to commit or to be honest, they may see it as a failure on their end, or perhaps they are afraid of hurting someone. And then you will have some who trully just don’t give two-shits (sorry) about it!

Whatever your reasons for wanting or not wanting to know the truth, I see it as a moral duty and an obligation to those we love and care about – having those tough conversations can mean the difference between life or death (in the case of the drugs), it can make a difference in that person’s life and yes, even in your life – I mean really? Who really wants to hold on to baggage, or unresolved feelings? That’s when the “do I really want to know?” turns into “what if…”

It’s a tough one I know! I can certainly make a case for not telling or wanting to know the truth! I’ve certainly kept my mouth shut on more than one occassion (and if you know me, it’s hard to bite my tongue)…

I guess at the end of the day, you have to learn to pick your battles… it’s really up to you, but when things don’t go your way and/or you find something out – remember….you didn’t want to know or maybe you really did!

Food for thought….

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