Tag Archives: therapy

10 Tips on Staying Balanced in 2018

Like many of you, behind a pretty picture is a women that has struggled with identity, doubt, insecurities, anxiety, mental & emotional abuse, worry and fear, but what has kept me balanced and focused is the know-how that I was meant to be on this earth, to share my journey and to help empower others as they have helped to empower me.

I sometimes get texts thanking me for the motivational posts and upbeat attitude and along with those messages comes the questions: can you share what keeps you grounded, how do you stay afloat and/or can you share some tools that have helped you?

So after sharing some of this recently with a friend in a very private conversation in hopes that it can help her, I thought it would be great to just pay it forward! No one lives a perfect life my friends! Behind the pretty pictures and posts of happiness & “security” – many of us are living in turbulence; we have lost ourselves and/or are giving all of ourselves to others and/or our thoughts and not taking the time to breathe, to really breathe and to love ourselves! To know me and to follow me is to know I preach “love yourself first” but truth be told – we all get lost in the hustle & bustle we call life and forget to love ourselves! But look… how can we really lose ourselves? We’re with ourselves 24/7/365 – in fact, there’s just no way that can happen – just look in the mirror, look around you – YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE…OMG..lol!!

But really, I know it’s easier said than done and I totally, 100% get what it means to “lose ourselves”!

There are so many great tools that have helped me and continue to help me stay balanced, grounded and true to me, below are the top 10:

1. Community – surrounding myself with strong women & men who genuinely care for my wellbeing. They have kept me grounded, they have steered me in the right direction and have never been afraid to be honest with me, no matter how much it hurts or bites! You see, your community shouldn’t judge, speak behind your back and/or make you feel bad! They love and care for you unconditionally but also hold you accountable!

**It’s important to rid members of your community who aren’t aiding in your growth! If they are only around when you’re in a rut then chances are they are not for you – keep it moving!

2. Writing – writing has helped me to articulate my thoughts, my frustrations and my vision as it doesn’t always come out my mouth the same way. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always kept a journal and pencil near by; even at work! Thoughts come up for us all the time…don’t ignore them and don’t ever think you’ll remember them later (because you won’t)! Write and if you can, but don’t have to, share it. The beauty of writing is that you can read/speak your thoughts & visions into existence and/or let them go into the universe!

3. Music & Exercise – it brings life to my soul and lifts my spirits. It makes me feel safe … ever hear a song and it reminds you of something and/or it takes you to a place that’s safe? That’s what it does for me. I close my eyes and let the music feed my soul! So when you’re feeling off, or just need a breather or just need to rework what’s happening in that head of yours – put on feel good music! Exercise….well….it works wonders on your mind, body and spirit! It helps to reduce stress and many ailments. You feel amazing after a great workout and it’s just damn good for you – don’t cheat yourself from a healthy life – go workout!!

4. Laughter – because when you laugh you can’t cry! Ever laugh right after crying? If you have, then you know that you can’t cry immediately after; forcing you to think why you were crying to begin with! Put a comedy on, call a friend who you know can make you laugh (I have a few of those…) and laugh… where there is laughter rarely lives tears!

5. Reflecting & Meditation – reflection makes you realize that every obstacle: good, bad or indifferent has shaped us to be the person we are today. To know me is to know that I live a life with no regrets, no what ifs – just lessons learned! Look, we’re not perfect and just when we think we’ve learned a lesson, we make the same mistake again!! I can sit here and say “we’re human” but truth of the matter is that we all have a choice**! We do! I don’t care what you say! You have a choice to do something, to say something, to behave a certain way, to react… you get it! It’s a choice! Reflecting is a beautiful thing because it helps you realize your role in what’s happening in your life! Meditation – learning to sit in silence, with your thoughts, with your breath! It’s one of the hardest things to do and quite honestly I have yet to master this art but what I can tell you is that it has helped me countless of times to help calm the battlefield that happens in my head every now and then!

**The beauty of choice is that it forces you to create reason, to think critically and sadly for many, that’s too hard because living in the alternative is safe. We sometimes create this false illusion, an altered reality and would much rather live there because it feeds the ego, because we love to live in the box and fit into societal norms … because being average is safe and acceptable! Choice, it’s a beautiful thing we have – use it wisely!

6. Know Your Self worth! What are you worth? What is your legacy? What do you want out of life? And what do you need to do to get there? What won’t you ever stand or settle for? What are your dreams and are you setting small actionable goals? It’s what I.V.A stands for (my fitness program pictured above – go check it out at http://www.ivafitness.com). Never forget your self worth and never compromise your soul for the fear of loneliness or in hopes you can change someone!

7. Self-affirmations: There is no perfect world, person or way of doing things – you just have to be the change you want to see! Positive mantras, self affirmations, vision boards, sticky’s everywhere that remind you of the amazing person you are. My mantra “I am fierce I am fearless”!

8. Therapy – don’t be afraid to ask for help! Therapy can provide useful tools to help you dissolve those rooted feelings that are not mixing with your current being. It’s someone to listen to you and make sense of all that comes out of your mouth (or not). Someone to provide you with resources outside the office setting. Therapy can be amazing if you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to trust the process.

9. Accountability Partner – having an accountability partner is different than having a community. They’ll be that one person, maybe two or three who will set you straight, be the voice of reason and tell you stop, wait, are you crazy, no and good job, you’re beautiful, keep pushing …. because at the end of the day, we all like structure in some form or fashion; we all want to be accountable to someone and we most certainly want to be held accountable!

10. Faith & Prayer: what ever and/or whomever you believe in – the power of faith and prayer works! I truly believe that when you believe in it and speak it into existence and take the necessary steps to make it happen – anything is possible! Love is energy.. keep your energy pure, honest and share it! The universe always delivers when you are true to you, when you pray and when you have integrity and have faith!!

Walks, biking, books, podcasts, blogs have all helped me – here are a few of my favorite books and author (there are so many others so if you need more, let me know): The Woman’s Book of Confidence by Sue Patton Thoele; The Four Agreements & The Fifth Agreement by Ruiz & Ruiz; I Got You by Rob Hill Sr.; Eckhart Tolles (subscribe to his channel on YouTube); God Where is my Boaz by Stephan Labossiere (audio or book); Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary.

The only person you can control is you! You have control of your thoughts, your emotions, your choices and how you deal with all of it! Create a safe space, choose to be happy, choose to live in the present, in health, peace and balance, choose to smile, to learn, to give and to LOVE!! Take responsibility for your actions and inactions and lastly, be empowered by the power of you! You got this! Happy New Year 2018!!

Rise Up by Andra Day – song!!

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Oil Change & Car Inspection

Oil Change & Car Inspection

As I sit here (waiting for my oil change & car inspection) taking in the morning breeze (before it reaches 90), I can’t help but to reflect on two powerful conversations I had this week.

The first one was with a fabulous woman I met through the Latina Network on Facebook. She is from Sacramento; she quickly responded to my request of needing to speak to someone with respect to youth development programming. We quickly connected, made arrangements to talk and soon thereafter, we spoke for an hour! What initially was supposed to be a professional call, turned out to be both that and a little reality check for me.

I refer to the call much like an oil change (odd comparison, I know)…. but so true. It was about needing to get rid of all the self-pitty, the negative thoughts – the need to defend what needed no defending; it was about flushing out the dirty juice that flowed through my system. While I was still functional, the pipes that kept me running were dirty..it was using too much of the wrong energy. My friends, it was time for an oil change!!

It was time to “own it”!

To believe in me and all the positives that live within me. To reaffirm the positive attributes and to “shift my perspectives” – to no longer see those things that hindered both my personal & professional growth as negative or less than, but rather finding the linkage to make it relatable, current and needed.

She told me to “own it”!

You see, professional titles are not and should not be the driving force – but rather, the love, passion & commitment you have for it! What an “AHA” moment for me. For someone whom I just met, how can she offer up such great wisdom, consejo (advise), friendship and some amazing professional points!!

So grateful to have connected with Liz A. Garcia!! Mil gracias…

Now it’s time for the inspection – making sure it all works and is functional…

After my call with Liz, I jumped on another much needed call with my friend/confidant/therapist – what an amazing man he is and how grateful I am for his wisdom.

In a nutshell, I began to feel, once again, that my world was falling apart. While my inside world (hubby & kids) is perfect, the outside world…well, that didn’t feel so good!

He made me realize that my emotions were okay – they were justified. My life was falling into place, everything was in order = family, relationship & job. Then in an instant things changed…no longer in the “working order” as I once knew it and worked so hard for; thus leaving me with alot of time on my hands. And with having time, comes having time to think about “everything”…even things that I know damn well I don’t have control of; leading me, well… to no longer have control of me & my thoughts! Making me angry, snappy and sad ~

He said something interesting -“he/she who has control of their emotions, controls the relationship/situation”… “AHA”!! (again)!!

It was time for an inspection – time to determine what is working, what is not and then to ask yourself what happened in between to cause that disruption in your emotions….

Once you know (and you will) – it’ll be time to fix it!! As he kindly reminded me – you are in control of you, your emotions, your thoughts, your actions and inactions – it’s You vs You!!

While this is easier said than done – (thank God for the opportunity to get an oil change & inspection frequently) – inspecting oneself every-so-often is a great way to start over (without starting NEW…more like a reality check with a dose of wisdom)…

My friends, I share this personal struggle because I know I’m not the only one who sometimes finds it hard to deal with the inner you – those spirits that are working against you!!

We all deal with it differently, yes, but at the end of the day, while it’s all up to YOU, seeking support from those you trust, and in my case, from those you just happen to meet…well, it can mean a world of difference!! I think of that extra help as “coupons”… We can always use them (I know I did, got $10 off my oil change)… Lol

Your mental sanity is so important ~ take care of it, feed it the fuel it needs so that it runs at its best!

Loving me first ~

Lanette

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“Sometimes self-deception can be therapeutic”

#Nolan @Revenge “Sometimes self-deception can be therapeutic”

The moment I heard the character Nolan on ABC’s Revenge spit out those words, I immediately wipped out my Iphone’s notepad and jotted it down and tweeted it so as to never forget the words that spoke volumes to me….

Self-deception can be therapeutic….wow! How true is this?

I can think of a time I told myself I looked smoking hot in my bikini, despite the muffin top…lol…but really, in my eyes, I was beautiful! Therapeutic to me, not so much to the girls with six-packs laying pool side….oh well!! (joke)

But seriously, can you think of a time you’ve convinced yourself of something just to massage your ego? To help you relax, to help you get through…but deep down inside you know that “owning the issue” is the better path!

Is this the same as lying to yourself and being so good at it that you begin to believe your own lies; hence it becomes therapeutic??

Hmm… Nolan’s phrase was so deep!

I think about it a month in a half later as I lay in my bed, half-prepping for a 2nd interview (I say half because I’m writing this when I’m suppose to be prepping)….

Self-deception (with the help of my dictionary that sits so conveniently in my night stand….dang, I love that book) is defined as:

“Self-deception is a process of denying or rationalizing away the relevance, significance, or importance ….. Self-deception involves convincing oneself of a truth (or lack of truth) so that one does not reveal any self-knowledge of the deception……”

How many of us have done this for one reason or another?

My only thought is, isn’t this more damaging in the long run? At the end of the day, you’re fooling no one but yourself ~

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