Tag Archives: reflection

No Coincidences in Life 🌴

They say that people come in and out of your life for a reason/purpose. Sometimes we know the purpose immediately, other times we don’t. And sometimes we don’t realize the purpose until they have left. Some stay in your life forever and others for seconds, perhaps minutes. 

I remember listening to an audio book years ago called “The 5 people you meet in Heaven”. I picked up the book after hearing Hoda Kotb, an NBC Journalist speak about the impact the book had on her and how it helped her get through some really tough times. I too took to the book thinking who will be the 5 people I meet in Heaven and why? 

In the book, the author speaks about Eddie, an older man who met his untimely death while trying to save a little girl and now he’s going through the five stages of Heaven, meeting a person in each of the stages. 

Each person means something and there was a lesson to be learned at each stage. I remember one of the lessons he learned was that there are no random events in life and all individuals and experiences are connected in some way.  Simply put, there are no coincidences.


As I lay here, writing and thinking – today (Monday, June 19th), marks the 1-week anniversary of a man I never knew, I never spoke to him, I never heard his voice, I never once saw him in the street, yet I was chosen by some divine force to witness his untimely death; to kneel beside his helpless and injured body. I just stood there, asking him for his wife’s phone number so I can call her – but no response (yet I wonder if he heard me). He was slowly drifting away. I can feel it, I knew it – I knew he was on his way to Heaven. Felt it coming when the bus I was on was traveling behind him, then next to him and then he was gone…. it was at that point that I felt this connection. I was immediately heart broken for this man and his family. I didn’t know why! I’ve played the scene over and over in my head – thanking God for sparing me the picture of seeing his body being run over by the 3,000 pound bus I was on. But it didn’t matter that I didn’t see the actual impact, I knew it was going to happen the minute we came to close and the bus driver decided to pass him. He was to my right – I can see him and then I couldn’t ~ 

I later learned he died and it felt like I lost a friend! I went home that evening and cried and cried – all night! Woke up hurt, confused and angry. I had to stay home. I began to think that there was something I needed to do besides tell the truth to the media who had the story wrong. So I reached out to the bus company to give my statement, but no call back – no call back till this day.

I spoke to my mom minutes after and it was at that moment that I realized I needed to connect with his family, at least to hear their voice, see a picture, to tell them that he did nothing wrong – he was an innocent cyclist riding to work that morning. It brought me some peace when his wife immediately responded to me and later his two friends. I spoke to one of them several times since the accident but I know they need to heal – so I give them space. 

I suppose I’ve done my part in telling the truth, in giving peace to his family… but still, this man weighs heavy in my thoughts and I ask myself why? 

It’s taken me a week to start writing, to process, to reflect – I know I have to begin to heal and move away from this but I’m just not sure how and if that’s even possible. My bus mates ask how I’m doing and I am grateful. Some ask “what happened?” and it conjures up ill feelings but I know they mean well. My friends and family have been supportive and I’m blessed. Some don’t ask because they know it’s hard.

My anxiety goes through the roof the moment I take my seat on that bus, the moment he/she presses on the break, the moment I see us come close to a bike – I close my eyes! It’s wicked I tell you but I fight through it, every morning and evening since the accident.  

But I ask myself as I lay in my bed – “why me?” 

Why me? As the book stated – there are no random incidents. Something I’ve often stated in my writings “everything happens for a reason”….

But still, why me? Like I haven’t already lost people who have meant the world to me either through death or separation. Like I haven’t gone through enough shit in my 44 years of life! Like I haven’t cried and hurt enough! Why the fuck me and why now? 

Why do I have to lay here and cry – why? (I have no idea why the eye doctor said I have dry eyes – I swear they have no problems producing tears!! Lol – now stop crying – I want you to read past this…we got this far and because truth be told, it’s also hard for me to write if I’m balling.. this is going to stop now!) I think…maybe not! 


(Con’d… 6/20) 

So back to why? I initially thought (and still believe) that I was meant to be on that bus to be his eyes and ears! To speak out the truth to all who got the story wrong. To be able to tell his wife that her husband was the victim of a bad accident and that there was nothing he could do to avoid it (he didn’t see it coming). But there’s more to the why, there has to be. 

I now realize that the why also means that I needed a reality check! That I needed to open up my eyes and see this beautiful world we live in and that no matter the bad apples who come into your life to deplete your energy, there are so many beautiful apples (seeds) to be planted, groomed, to be picked, savored and enjoyed. 

That no matter how bad things may feel or get, that your perception of those times are flawed by the circumstance and doesn’t means it’s forever!

That life is filled with so many beautiful things, people and opportunities, and that WE MUST make time for those we love, WE MUST make time to take care of ourselves first and others, that WE MUST appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly because it teaches us so many lessons, that WE MUST live each day as if it was our last because we NEVER know when it’ll be our last and lastly, WE MUST always do right by our neighbor! It doesn’t matter what, why or how; when someone needs you or when you are called to the aid of someone by some divine calling – you just go! 

So that’s my WHY! 

Rest in eternal peace the friend I never knew – you join the many amazing men I know in Heaven 🌴 

#DanHanegby #06122017 – Thank you for opening my eyes once again! ❤️🙏🏽

  

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Deeply rooted 

What does this tree symbolize to you? While the palm tree is my favorite tree (and I’ve written about it before), this tree however, resonates so deeply with me! To me it tells me that when you are deeply rooted, you can branch out in any form but your root, that’s your foundation and nothing (not even a storm) can uproot you! 

Yeah, the healthiest of trees have been uprooted; even the most solid & aged trees – but that doesn’t happen often (there’s usually some circumstance beyond our control and sometimes we are simply not taking care of it [ourselves]).

You may have some dead branches or perhaps some of the leaves have dried out and are holding on by its last vein, or maybe it simply falls off, but the root, well that only grows deeper in the soil. Rich in nutrients that continue to add to the life of each branch and leaf and perhaps flower.

This tree is soaring, dancing, living, growing and is simply beautiful! If there is anything that we can learn about trees, it would be that we need to appreciate them (ourselves), we need to take care of them (water it and cut off old branches to allow for further growth), we need to breathe them in (take in the beauty that you are) and lastly, allow it to grow (don’t let anything hinder its potential)!

Trees can prosper without sunlight but imagine what a little love and light can do!! So my peeps, take a deep look at this gorgeous life (the tree & you) and reflect – think about the beauty and it’s endless possibilities! #peace & #love to you all – always ❤️🏝 

reflection & affirmation under the sun

It’s my first day here in sunny, beautiful Phoenix, AZ. It’s always when I am most relaxed and in a great mood that I feel most inspired to write. Laying in the sun soaking in the rays (yes I have sunblock) seems to add the bolt of inspiration that I need to get started!! 

Not much to write in all honesty. Pretty blessed is how I feel these days. Blessed, balanced and relaxed pretty much sums it up! Not that life is all hunky dory, but it’s a lot more manageable & livable, and with all the amazing additions God has blessed me with – it is that much more worth it!
I find myself breezing through life these days; appreciating the good, learning how to deal with the not-so-good in a manner that doesn’t cleanse me out of my positive energy.  Learning to control me and learning that I cannot control the actions or inactions of others! 
Strengthening relationships with those that matter and learning to let go of those that are no longer meant to be! 
Learning to take care of me without the guilt! Learning about my strengths and weaknesses and my newly released desires that have been dormant for way to long! 
My son recently texted me “I’m glad you’re happy and finally living out your dreams…” What a heartfelt moment that was for me. To realize that my kids are looking at every move I make and acknowledging behaviors that I felt I was hiding because I always felt they were selfish! That text message was a reaffirmation that we must live out our dreams, our passions and that we must love ourselves because at the end of the day, when it’s done with the right intentions, carried out with self-respect, dignity and integrity – for no one can take that away or diminish it no matter how hard they try! 
Day 2 of my 5 day visit to Phoenix (still working on my tan), I realize (not that I didn’t know before) that we live in a world filled with endless opportunities for love, success, health and prosperity! It really is up to us to seek it! So often we live by societal rules and norms that can hinder us from growth – it is when we step outside of that comfort zone and reach, that is when we find that peace that we seek!  
Positive reaffirmations help; support and guidance from others just makes life that much sweeter! 
Life is really what you make of it. We all say that we know this, but how many of us are truly living it! On this peaceful morning, I look up to the sky (without trying to be blinded by the sun) and think of all the amazing people who are in heaven looking down on me, guiding me, loving me from afar, supporting me and proving that inner strength – I miss & love them all – yet feel so blessed and lucky to have had them be a true inspiration in my life! 
So much to be thankful for – 
Feeling grateful for it all – the good, the bad & ugly and the fruitful experiences, for today at 42 I am healthy, accomplished, balanced, loved and living a life I am creating for myself! 
Back to working on my tan ~ 
Peace & Love 
Luz y Colores 
  

 

Only I can write my story….

I have not written a piece in a bit; a little over two months to be exact. Perhaps it’s out of laziness, or maybe it’s because there hasn’t been much time – but I really think it’s because so much has happened, and getting my thoughts on paper (well in my case a notes app) is a lot harder than one thinks!

Last piece I wrote was about living outside ones comfort zone, and not fully living if you’re living within safe boundaries! The piece before that was reminiscent of my childhood…. So it’s definitely time to write….

If you’ve read my posts before, then you know I’m quite the comedian, a realist if you will, an incredibly honest and forthcoming person, and one that truly believes (regardless of opinion) in sharing my journey because in some form or fashion, it helps to reaffirm all that is me, and helps to empower other women along the way!

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A friend posted the quote above on Facebook recently, and while I’ve posted hundreds of empowering quotes, this particular one stood out for me because it reminded me that “I” am the only one who gets to write my story.

Interesting ha? We all say this, know this, encourage others to believe this – but often, we are the ones allowing others to hold the pen and write on our behalf; we allow others to erase and rewrite sentences, change words, erase words, explain our ideas, give their opinions – leaving us with a piece written to the likes of others and not truly for ourselves! Get the picture?

Yes, one could argue that in the real world, whether we like it or not, we must conform in some way or another to that of others (children, partners, family, friends….you get the picture).

But for the sake of argument – let’s just all agree to focus on YOU! The importance of knowing that you are in control of you, that you truly can write your story, that while you can chose to accept the opinions of others – that you my friend, at the end of the day, are the author of your own story!

Like children who are born not yet knowing how to compromise (I know you’ve seen the kids walk the streets with rain boots and a cape in the winter – just because they said so!!) we too must dig deep within our soul, our essence, our innocence and not let our journey be derailed – we must stay true to our ideas, our words, our beliefs, and most importantly, ourselves!

I spared you the details of all that has gone on in my life the past 8 months…
the past three months in particular (I will share the ugly, the bad and the beautiful soon enough); but I will share this much with you now – I “have” been holding the pen and have been writing my story for the past 2 1/2 years!! It has not been the least bit easy – but it has been liberating, freeing, whole, and I tell you my friend that I have not put down my pen, I have not allowed others to use my pen (not even for a second), and I have not allowed others to sway me to write a different story!

I remain the author of my journey…..

I will continue to reach for the top and live as if I’m already there….

I will continues to be led by positive energy and the universe….

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To Love All

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I’ve realized that some people do and say things just to be accepted.

They need to tell the world that they are okay, that they love life, that they love you, that they love community, that they love it all – love is the answer!!

For some, this is actually true – kudos to you! These are the people whose actions speak louder than words!

But for many others, however, they are not okay with “self/love”, and this is the scary part because the only disservice they are doing, is a disservice to “self”. Saying and acting otherwise, really fools no one but yourself.

In fact, it can be perceived by others as fake, untruth, not genuine, not a real friend – a story teller.

It’s totally okay to say that you’re not good, you’re not feeling well, and while you want the best for others (love all), that perhaps you’re not in the right place.

This is not about telling the world that life is not perfect, that perhaps there are some things in your life that are not working the way you want them to be, or that perhaps your heart and your life isn’t as fulfilled as you let the world know it to be, but rather being true to you.

Like I’ve stated in other posts, other writings, and in conversations that I have had with some; before we can preach love, act love, live love, we need to “self” love!

I created this blog for many reasons, those reasons are in my bio – those reasons are explicitly stated in the dozen or so writings I’ve shared. But as life continues, and lessons are learned, I continue to grow and experience some real hard lessons – life.

I don’t mask with “love all” but rather challenge you, empower you, challenge the mind with thought, remind you all to be strong, to fight those inner thoughts that can often cloud your judgement, and finally, to love yourself first!

Don’t confuse the word “love” with “self-infatuation”! But more “love” in lenses of reflection, actions, behavior, problem solving…

#lovingmefirst

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2014: Mind, Body & Spirit

Yes! Only you can take care of your mind, body & spirit (soul). Those you let into your inner circle are suppose to nourish it & never bruise it!

As you begin to finalize your goals for the new year, I encourage you to make room on your list of ways to put yourself first!

These acts of selfishness are totally necessary. It’s the only way you can assure that you are balanced!

As I reflect on this past year, I realize how blessed I am to have an amazing family, an uber-amazing life partner, and a circle of friends that have aided in my growth as a woman!

There have been lapses in judgement, and I’ve let people in who have done a disservice to my soul; nonetheless, as I look ahead to 2014, I know that these things were suppose to happen. I realize that things happen for a reason, but that ultimately, I am the one in control of my mind, body & spirit!

I will only allow in those who fuel my fire, not throw water at it! I will only allow in those that feed my brain with nutrients that add to my growth as a woman. I will only allow in those that make me happy! I will follow my gut (my soul, my spirit if you will) – for it will never steer me in the wrong direction!

I will owe no one an explanation for my decisions – because my decisions are what’s right for me & my soul. I will stay true to my core, to my values, to my true friends, to my family, to my career!

I will continue to love me first, for you can never truly love others if you don’t love you first!

#lovingmefirst

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Day #2 Reflection – What was your greatest lesson learned?

Day #2 Reflection – What was your greatest lesson learned?

WOW! Loaded question ha? We can all probably respond, if you’re lucky, with at least a handful of responses; at least I know I can!

But if I had to pick – I think the greatest lesson learned is that “I am not defined by a title”!

For so long, I compared my success (the types of jobs I’ve had or did not have, my title/salary) to others whom I thought shared in the same skills set/career landscape as me. Truth be told, I began to doubt me, my abilities, skills, and my strengths.

A good friend told me during my most lowest of moments that “titles don’t define me as a woman.” He was so right! They don’t! This comment came to me about an hour or so after I had a conversation with a little birdie named Liz A. Garcia, who told me to “own my success”… that was such an aha moment for me. She further told me to stop defending what needed no defending – to not compare myself to others, for we all choose the path we’re on, and to just go for it.

I now have my dream job, and a title I love (lol…) and most importantly, doing what I absolutely love and for so long envisioned for myself; but the point is that I did not stop fighting for what I new I was worthy & deserving of!

I learned that I will no longer define my capabilities, strengths, contributions or worth by a title I carry – but rather, the title is only an extension of the beauty, skills, and strength I posses! #wepa

Surround yourself with positive people. People who will uplift you, empower you and believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself!

What is your greatest lesson learned? Please share…

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