Tag Archives: integrity

No Coincidences in Life 🌴

They say that people come in and out of your life for a reason/purpose. Sometimes we know the purpose immediately, other times we don’t. And sometimes we don’t realize the purpose until they have left. Some stay in your life forever and others for seconds, perhaps minutes. 

I remember listening to an audio book years ago called “The 5 people you meet in Heaven”. I picked up the book after hearing Hoda Kotb, an NBC Journalist speak about the impact the book had on her and how it helped her get through some really tough times. I too took to the book thinking who will be the 5 people I meet in Heaven and why? 

In the book, the author speaks about Eddie, an older man who met his untimely death while trying to save a little girl and now he’s going through the five stages of Heaven, meeting a person in each of the stages. 

Each person means something and there was a lesson to be learned at each stage. I remember one of the lessons he learned was that there are no random events in life and all individuals and experiences are connected in some way.  Simply put, there are no coincidences.


As I lay here, writing and thinking – today (Monday, June 19th), marks the 1-week anniversary of a man I never knew, I never spoke to him, I never heard his voice, I never once saw him in the street, yet I was chosen by some divine force to witness his untimely death; to kneel beside his helpless and injured body. I just stood there, asking him for his wife’s phone number so I can call her – but no response (yet I wonder if he heard me). He was slowly drifting away. I can feel it, I knew it – I knew he was on his way to Heaven. Felt it coming when the bus I was on was traveling behind him, then next to him and then he was gone…. it was at that point that I felt this connection. I was immediately heart broken for this man and his family. I didn’t know why! I’ve played the scene over and over in my head – thanking God for sparing me the picture of seeing his body being run over by the 3,000 pound bus I was on. But it didn’t matter that I didn’t see the actual impact, I knew it was going to happen the minute we came to close and the bus driver decided to pass him. He was to my right – I can see him and then I couldn’t ~ 

I later learned he died and it felt like I lost a friend! I went home that evening and cried and cried – all night! Woke up hurt, confused and angry. I had to stay home. I began to think that there was something I needed to do besides tell the truth to the media who had the story wrong. So I reached out to the bus company to give my statement, but no call back – no call back till this day.

I spoke to my mom minutes after and it was at that moment that I realized I needed to connect with his family, at least to hear their voice, see a picture, to tell them that he did nothing wrong – he was an innocent cyclist riding to work that morning. It brought me some peace when his wife immediately responded to me and later his two friends. I spoke to one of them several times since the accident but I know they need to heal – so I give them space. 

I suppose I’ve done my part in telling the truth, in giving peace to his family… but still, this man weighs heavy in my thoughts and I ask myself why? 

It’s taken me a week to start writing, to process, to reflect – I know I have to begin to heal and move away from this but I’m just not sure how and if that’s even possible. My bus mates ask how I’m doing and I am grateful. Some ask “what happened?” and it conjures up ill feelings but I know they mean well. My friends and family have been supportive and I’m blessed. Some don’t ask because they know it’s hard.

My anxiety goes through the roof the moment I take my seat on that bus, the moment he/she presses on the break, the moment I see us come close to a bike – I close my eyes! It’s wicked I tell you but I fight through it, every morning and evening since the accident.  

But I ask myself as I lay in my bed – “why me?” 

Why me? As the book stated – there are no random incidents. Something I’ve often stated in my writings “everything happens for a reason”….

But still, why me? Like I haven’t already lost people who have meant the world to me either through death or separation. Like I haven’t gone through enough shit in my 44 years of life! Like I haven’t cried and hurt enough! Why the fuck me and why now? 

Why do I have to lay here and cry – why? (I have no idea why the eye doctor said I have dry eyes – I swear they have no problems producing tears!! Lol – now stop crying – I want you to read past this…we got this far and because truth be told, it’s also hard for me to write if I’m balling.. this is going to stop now!) I think…maybe not! 


(Con’d… 6/20) 

So back to why? I initially thought (and still believe) that I was meant to be on that bus to be his eyes and ears! To speak out the truth to all who got the story wrong. To be able to tell his wife that her husband was the victim of a bad accident and that there was nothing he could do to avoid it (he didn’t see it coming). But there’s more to the why, there has to be. 

I now realize that the why also means that I needed a reality check! That I needed to open up my eyes and see this beautiful world we live in and that no matter the bad apples who come into your life to deplete your energy, there are so many beautiful apples (seeds) to be planted, groomed, to be picked, savored and enjoyed. 

That no matter how bad things may feel or get, that your perception of those times are flawed by the circumstance and doesn’t means it’s forever!

That life is filled with so many beautiful things, people and opportunities, and that WE MUST make time for those we love, WE MUST make time to take care of ourselves first and others, that WE MUST appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly because it teaches us so many lessons, that WE MUST live each day as if it was our last because we NEVER know when it’ll be our last and lastly, WE MUST always do right by our neighbor! It doesn’t matter what, why or how; when someone needs you or when you are called to the aid of someone by some divine calling – you just go! 

So that’s my WHY! 

Rest in eternal peace the friend I never knew – you join the many amazing men I know in Heaven 🌴 

#DanHanegby #06122017 – Thank you for opening my eyes once again! ❤️🙏🏽

  

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Don’t apologize for it! 

This is deep…. 
As much as I preach to “own your truth”, to “live outside your comfort zone” and to “love yourself first”, it’s easy to allow outside noise influence what goes on in your brain and the choices you ultimately make! 

This note reminds us that what we know that the truth and knowledge we store in our minds, what we feel to be true in our souls and hearts – that is NOT and should NOT be dismissed! 

You are/we are who we are: smart, beautiful, wise and loving (and so much more) and it’s so important that we never dumb ourselves down for anyone; that we not loose who we are and what we are meant to be, that we not be intimidated by the weakness of others and lastly, that we not forget that a mind is a beautiful thing to waste simply because those in our circle may be too weak to accept and appreciate it! Ladies, work on that circle you keep because not everyone is meant to be in it and/or stay there! 

As our wonderful First Lady Michelle Obama said “don’t apologize for it”! Be true to you and always #ownyourtruth because as I’ve said before, the world will adjust! Sometimes I even need to be reminded and there ain’t nothing wrong with that! Now let’s be #AMAZING #MUJERES #LADIES 

Follow my blog at http://www.lovingmefirstblog.wordpress.com ❤️🎤

Keep your eye on the goal

“To look where you are going is to be motivated by fear; to go where you are looking is to be driven by desire, confidence and vision. If you know you can handle whatever cracks and bumps come along, you do not have to watch the pavement all the time. Instead you can move full speed ahead with your eye on the goal.” [Excerpt – Get Out Of Your Own Way]

Love this excerpt; a subtle reminder that often we know where we are going but can get easily distracted at all the noise that surrounds us. I truly feel that the noise is there to help you reinforce your goals, to test your boundaries, to see if you can stand strong under pressure and to help you stay balanced (or not – it’s really up to you)!

You see, outside noise is unpredictable, it’s always going to be there and lastly, there’s no sure-fire-way we can get rid of it, so instead we have to adjust ourselves and learn to navigate through it.  Know your boundaries, keep tools in the tool box to help you get out of jams, always keep your eyes on the prize and never let your pride, ego and others get in the way!  

Hit the ground running with integrity, passion and love because when those things are deeply rooted, everything else is merely an eye-sore! 😘

One Month

One Month…

Not sure why I get this sense of urgency to write when I should be sleeping instead…oh well!

So my mind is racing – so much has happened since I last wrote. For one, I make a month in my new position! Woohoo! Gotta admit I’m quite pooped but I absolutely love it! Feels like I’ve been in my position for years..lol, but I really think it feels that way because the work is fulfilling on so many levels. My love for community, advocacy, empowerment and providing resources to those who are often left without a voice runs deep in my soul! To meet like-minded people who share in the same vision & passion is rewarding and incredibly breathtaking!

This past month has also allowed for a lot of reflection as I’ve found myself on several occassions having to protect & defend my personal space. I wrote several months ago about the power of friends & how each friendship adds a different value to your life. Each so special & different & rewarding.

It is when those friendships/relationships are tested that you find yourself reflecting – forcing you to rethink your boundaries, your values & what your expectations are for those friendships – asking yourself “what does this friendship/relationship mean & how important is it in my life?” Does it add value?

I realize that for me (and you don’t have to agree), that no matter the type of friendship – the relationship at its core has to always remain honest and respectful; one should never have to defend or explain integrity, value, commitment or loyalty. I feel that once these concerns come up – then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate that friendship/relationship for authenticity!

I get that all friendships, much like intimate relationships, are different & unique and ALL require work (commitment, communication and yes – respect)!

And much like relationships – when friendships outgrow eachother, or when it’s no longer fun or respectful or sincere – it’s time to walk away ~ they’re just certain things that are really not worth holding on to or working on when you know in your gut it’s just not worth the energy!

I find myself telling my daughter that “she needs to protect her personal space” – that she needs to “create boundaries” that can keep her safe, sane & healthy!

Same rules apply to adults!

I remember when she was a little kid (she technically still is at almost 18 ..lol, but you know what I mean)… when a girl was mean to her, I would tell her to let the girl know how it makes her feel. If the issues continue – then it’s time to walk away from this little girl – there are plenty of friends to be made & that she should never accept someone being mean to her.

Why do we forget those same basic principles as we become adults? I know why – it’s this inner thought that “we can fix it all and that as adults – we give each other the benefit of the doubt or we help eachother get through it”. We work and we work and we work until it becomes toxic!

Hmmm… this is a tough one

I suppose the saying “it’s easier said than done” applies to this topic!!

Life is tough – it is! Friendships, well, that shouldn’t be so tough!

Nonetheless, I am blessed & happy to have a circle of respectful, intelligent, funny, opinionated, strong, powerful & independent sisters in my life! They are in my life because there was never a question of integrity, trust, honesty or loyalty!

I will continue to protect my space. If I don’t let you in, it’s not because I don’t think you’re worthy, it’s only because I need to protect ME!

“Lovingmefirst” and if you don’t understand why – then perhaps you need to do some reflecting of your own

Peace & Love ~

I leave you with this impactful quote ~

“How would your life be different if…You approached all relationships with authenticity and honesty? Let today be the day…You dedicate yourself to building relationships on the solid foundation of truth and authenticity.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

My beautiful girl ~

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I AM ENOUGH!!

Yes you are and don’t you forget it! I love this quote – it reminded me of all the greatest attributes I possess, especially the ability to love hard, to own up to my mistakes but most importantly, to know that I am ENOUGH despite my imperfections! Don’t sell yourself short – take the good, the bad and the ugly – for it all makes who you are, and that is a beautiful person 🙂

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