Tag Archives: feelings

No Coincidences in Life 🌴

They say that people come in and out of your life for a reason/purpose. Sometimes we know the purpose immediately, other times we don’t. And sometimes we don’t realize the purpose until they have left. Some stay in your life forever and others for seconds, perhaps minutes. 

I remember listening to an audio book years ago called “The 5 people you meet in Heaven”. I picked up the book after hearing Hoda Kotb, an NBC Journalist speak about the impact the book had on her and how it helped her get through some really tough times. I too took to the book thinking who will be the 5 people I meet in Heaven and why? 

In the book, the author speaks about Eddie, an older man who met his untimely death while trying to save a little girl and now he’s going through the five stages of Heaven, meeting a person in each of the stages. 

Each person means something and there was a lesson to be learned at each stage. I remember one of the lessons he learned was that there are no random events in life and all individuals and experiences are connected in some way.  Simply put, there are no coincidences.


As I lay here, writing and thinking – today (Monday, June 19th), marks the 1-week anniversary of a man I never knew, I never spoke to him, I never heard his voice, I never once saw him in the street, yet I was chosen by some divine force to witness his untimely death; to kneel beside his helpless and injured body. I just stood there, asking him for his wife’s phone number so I can call her – but no response (yet I wonder if he heard me). He was slowly drifting away. I can feel it, I knew it – I knew he was on his way to Heaven. Felt it coming when the bus I was on was traveling behind him, then next to him and then he was gone…. it was at that point that I felt this connection. I was immediately heart broken for this man and his family. I didn’t know why! I’ve played the scene over and over in my head – thanking God for sparing me the picture of seeing his body being run over by the 3,000 pound bus I was on. But it didn’t matter that I didn’t see the actual impact, I knew it was going to happen the minute we came to close and the bus driver decided to pass him. He was to my right – I can see him and then I couldn’t ~ 

I later learned he died and it felt like I lost a friend! I went home that evening and cried and cried – all night! Woke up hurt, confused and angry. I had to stay home. I began to think that there was something I needed to do besides tell the truth to the media who had the story wrong. So I reached out to the bus company to give my statement, but no call back – no call back till this day.

I spoke to my mom minutes after and it was at that moment that I realized I needed to connect with his family, at least to hear their voice, see a picture, to tell them that he did nothing wrong – he was an innocent cyclist riding to work that morning. It brought me some peace when his wife immediately responded to me and later his two friends. I spoke to one of them several times since the accident but I know they need to heal – so I give them space. 

I suppose I’ve done my part in telling the truth, in giving peace to his family… but still, this man weighs heavy in my thoughts and I ask myself why? 

It’s taken me a week to start writing, to process, to reflect – I know I have to begin to heal and move away from this but I’m just not sure how and if that’s even possible. My bus mates ask how I’m doing and I am grateful. Some ask “what happened?” and it conjures up ill feelings but I know they mean well. My friends and family have been supportive and I’m blessed. Some don’t ask because they know it’s hard.

My anxiety goes through the roof the moment I take my seat on that bus, the moment he/she presses on the break, the moment I see us come close to a bike – I close my eyes! It’s wicked I tell you but I fight through it, every morning and evening since the accident.  

But I ask myself as I lay in my bed – “why me?” 

Why me? As the book stated – there are no random incidents. Something I’ve often stated in my writings “everything happens for a reason”….

But still, why me? Like I haven’t already lost people who have meant the world to me either through death or separation. Like I haven’t gone through enough shit in my 44 years of life! Like I haven’t cried and hurt enough! Why the fuck me and why now? 

Why do I have to lay here and cry – why? (I have no idea why the eye doctor said I have dry eyes – I swear they have no problems producing tears!! Lol – now stop crying – I want you to read past this…we got this far and because truth be told, it’s also hard for me to write if I’m balling.. this is going to stop now!) I think…maybe not! 


(Con’d… 6/20) 

So back to why? I initially thought (and still believe) that I was meant to be on that bus to be his eyes and ears! To speak out the truth to all who got the story wrong. To be able to tell his wife that her husband was the victim of a bad accident and that there was nothing he could do to avoid it (he didn’t see it coming). But there’s more to the why, there has to be. 

I now realize that the why also means that I needed a reality check! That I needed to open up my eyes and see this beautiful world we live in and that no matter the bad apples who come into your life to deplete your energy, there are so many beautiful apples (seeds) to be planted, groomed, to be picked, savored and enjoyed. 

That no matter how bad things may feel or get, that your perception of those times are flawed by the circumstance and doesn’t means it’s forever!

That life is filled with so many beautiful things, people and opportunities, and that WE MUST make time for those we love, WE MUST make time to take care of ourselves first and others, that WE MUST appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly because it teaches us so many lessons, that WE MUST live each day as if it was our last because we NEVER know when it’ll be our last and lastly, WE MUST always do right by our neighbor! It doesn’t matter what, why or how; when someone needs you or when you are called to the aid of someone by some divine calling – you just go! 

So that’s my WHY! 

Rest in eternal peace the friend I never knew – you join the many amazing men I know in Heaven 🌴 

#DanHanegby #06122017 – Thank you for opening my eyes once again! ❤️🙏🏽

  

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Summer Days

As the summer days wind down…

As the days of no longer lounging by the pool wind down…

As the last days of taking in the 70+ degree weather wind down…

I sit back on my lounger (I have to soon put that away too) and reflect on the past seven months!

Seven months of unemployment and the mixed emotions that come with it such as – feeling defeated, helpless, hopeless, restless, annoyed, angry, desperate, bored… and then there were the moments of reflection, relaxation, appreciation of family & friends, liberation, and yes the occassional glass of sangria!!

The past seven months have been a journey, yet I realize that I was supposed to go through this journey of unemployment. I now realize that my talents were under utilized and that my sence of self, passion and work ethics were being tested.

That the self-righteousness acts of others only made me a stronger woman – ready, willing and able to land on her feet and be the recipient of bigger, better and more deserving things!

I realized in this journey who my true friends are, who my acquaintaces are and who are the people you “just know”!!

There were those who stood in touch all the time regardless of their own personal struggles!

There were those who checked in every so often with words of encouragement!

There were those that sent leads, introductions to friends and offerings of help!

Then there were those that never bothered to check in!!

At the end of the day this isn’t about who was there in times of hardships and emotional turmoil – but rather the endurance that I possess to have triumphed through these months!

I thank those who took the time to speak with me & provide great tips from resume review, to cover letter pointers, to interview tips or just to speak!

I thank those who I met on a fly by and jumped at the opportunity to help me!

I thank my husband for keeping me grounded, for supporting my journey and reminding me that “it’ll work out”, for being my cheerleader!!

I am truly excited to begin my new journey with an amazing company doing what I love! At the end of it all, chances are that this opportunity may not have been presented if I were still at my previous employment! Sometimes unemployment is a blessing in disguise~

And while they say never burn bridges – I have to admit that my bridge with certain people is a bridge I’m happy to dismantle!

Staying positive, staying grounded, staying true to me! Living my life with integrity, for I know that remaining empowered and honest is the only way to reach the ultimate goal!

Let my new journey begin~

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Hate that you care so much?

Hate that you care so much?

Yeah, me too! I hate that I dwell on things or care so much about things (people, situations) that are either insignificant or out of my control.

The saying goes that “you should let go – let it be, life goes on”. I think we could all appreciate that this is, most often than not, a lot easier said than done. Yes, life does go on and eventually the feelings or thoughts disapate, but dealing with it in the now, that’s the tough part.

I tried doing some research on it and it seems that there is a consensus out there on this topic….the final answer… “this is just who you are”. Perhaps it’s in your genetic make-up to love and care hard, perhaps there are some codependency issues that keep you holding on/caring too much – whatever it is, you need to figure it out for yourself.

If it’s codependency – I found this flyer on line; it’s pretty dated, but the information may be a 1st step to getting you on the right path:

http://www.gencmh.org/Portals/0/Training/Prevention%20Pubs/Codependency.pdf

For me, well, I have to admit that it’s a little codependency, but moreso my thought process. How I interpret information, issues, how I define love, relationships, etc.

Truth be told – I love hard, I care even harder, I am compassionate and giving, and what others think of me – does in fact matter to me. You may say “grow some thick skin Lanette”… Well my answer is “I am still growing (skin)”. Still learning about me, about others. The act of caring and letting go may come easy to some, but for me, it just doesn’t come that easy.

I do know that time heals all wounds, that life does go on and dwelling or living in the moment (when the moment has already pased) is not the best thing. I realize that caring too much can be harmful to your psyche – thank God for blogging – lol

I guess at the end of the day, this is who I am and no matter how much I want to walk away from those feelings of caring too much about things or people who are really insignificant in my life – I guess the best course of action is to let the feelings take its course! Like I said before, it really does get easier….

PS – by insignificant I mean that they no longer have a place in your life. Maybe at some point they helped you get through a tough time, they were once your friend, they were “significant”. But now, in this chapter of your life, they just don’t belong, there is no room, hence why I use “insignificant”

Remember, you need to define for yourself who or what is insignificant and slowly let go, reminding yourself why it or him/her is insignificant.

There really is a time and a place for everything. People come in and out of our lives for a reason. Capture the reason and then let it go!

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