Tag Archives: balance

10 Tips on Staying Balanced in 2018

Like many of you, behind a pretty picture is a women that has struggled with identity, doubt, insecurities, anxiety, mental & emotional abuse, worry and fear, but what has kept me balanced and focused is the know-how that I was meant to be on this earth, to share my journey and to help empower others as they have helped to empower me.

I sometimes get texts thanking me for the motivational posts and upbeat attitude and along with those messages comes the questions: can you share what keeps you grounded, how do you stay afloat and/or can you share some tools that have helped you?

So after sharing some of this recently with a friend in a very private conversation in hopes that it can help her, I thought it would be great to just pay it forward! No one lives a perfect life my friends! Behind the pretty pictures and posts of happiness & “security” – many of us are living in turbulence; we have lost ourselves and/or are giving all of ourselves to others and/or our thoughts and not taking the time to breathe, to really breathe and to love ourselves! To know me and to follow me is to know I preach “love yourself first” but truth be told – we all get lost in the hustle & bustle we call life and forget to love ourselves! But look… how can we really lose ourselves? We’re with ourselves 24/7/365 – in fact, there’s just no way that can happen – just look in the mirror, look around you – YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE…OMG..lol!!

But really, I know it’s easier said than done and I totally, 100% get what it means to “lose ourselves”!

There are so many great tools that have helped me and continue to help me stay balanced, grounded and true to me, below are the top 10:

1. Community – surrounding myself with strong women & men who genuinely care for my wellbeing. They have kept me grounded, they have steered me in the right direction and have never been afraid to be honest with me, no matter how much it hurts or bites! You see, your community shouldn’t judge, speak behind your back and/or make you feel bad! They love and care for you unconditionally but also hold you accountable!

**It’s important to rid members of your community who aren’t aiding in your growth! If they are only around when you’re in a rut then chances are they are not for you – keep it moving!

2. Writing – writing has helped me to articulate my thoughts, my frustrations and my vision as it doesn’t always come out my mouth the same way. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always kept a journal and pencil near by; even at work! Thoughts come up for us all the time…don’t ignore them and don’t ever think you’ll remember them later (because you won’t)! Write and if you can, but don’t have to, share it. The beauty of writing is that you can read/speak your thoughts & visions into existence and/or let them go into the universe!

3. Music & Exercise – it brings life to my soul and lifts my spirits. It makes me feel safe … ever hear a song and it reminds you of something and/or it takes you to a place that’s safe? That’s what it does for me. I close my eyes and let the music feed my soul! So when you’re feeling off, or just need a breather or just need to rework what’s happening in that head of yours – put on feel good music! Exercise….well….it works wonders on your mind, body and spirit! It helps to reduce stress and many ailments. You feel amazing after a great workout and it’s just damn good for you – don’t cheat yourself from a healthy life – go workout!!

4. Laughter – because when you laugh you can’t cry! Ever laugh right after crying? If you have, then you know that you can’t cry immediately after; forcing you to think why you were crying to begin with! Put a comedy on, call a friend who you know can make you laugh (I have a few of those…) and laugh… where there is laughter rarely lives tears!

5. Reflecting & Meditation – reflection makes you realize that every obstacle: good, bad or indifferent has shaped us to be the person we are today. To know me is to know that I live a life with no regrets, no what ifs – just lessons learned! Look, we’re not perfect and just when we think we’ve learned a lesson, we make the same mistake again!! I can sit here and say “we’re human” but truth of the matter is that we all have a choice**! We do! I don’t care what you say! You have a choice to do something, to say something, to behave a certain way, to react… you get it! It’s a choice! Reflecting is a beautiful thing because it helps you realize your role in what’s happening in your life! Meditation – learning to sit in silence, with your thoughts, with your breath! It’s one of the hardest things to do and quite honestly I have yet to master this art but what I can tell you is that it has helped me countless of times to help calm the battlefield that happens in my head every now and then!

**The beauty of choice is that it forces you to create reason, to think critically and sadly for many, that’s too hard because living in the alternative is safe. We sometimes create this false illusion, an altered reality and would much rather live there because it feeds the ego, because we love to live in the box and fit into societal norms … because being average is safe and acceptable! Choice, it’s a beautiful thing we have – use it wisely!

6. Know Your Self worth! What are you worth? What is your legacy? What do you want out of life? And what do you need to do to get there? What won’t you ever stand or settle for? What are your dreams and are you setting small actionable goals? It’s what I.V.A stands for (my fitness program pictured above – go check it out at http://www.ivafitness.com). Never forget your self worth and never compromise your soul for the fear of loneliness or in hopes you can change someone!

7. Self-affirmations: There is no perfect world, person or way of doing things – you just have to be the change you want to see! Positive mantras, self affirmations, vision boards, sticky’s everywhere that remind you of the amazing person you are. My mantra “I am fierce I am fearless”!

8. Therapy – don’t be afraid to ask for help! Therapy can provide useful tools to help you dissolve those rooted feelings that are not mixing with your current being. It’s someone to listen to you and make sense of all that comes out of your mouth (or not). Someone to provide you with resources outside the office setting. Therapy can be amazing if you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to trust the process.

9. Accountability Partner – having an accountability partner is different than having a community. They’ll be that one person, maybe two or three who will set you straight, be the voice of reason and tell you stop, wait, are you crazy, no and good job, you’re beautiful, keep pushing …. because at the end of the day, we all like structure in some form or fashion; we all want to be accountable to someone and we most certainly want to be held accountable!

10. Faith & Prayer: what ever and/or whomever you believe in – the power of faith and prayer works! I truly believe that when you believe in it and speak it into existence and take the necessary steps to make it happen – anything is possible! Love is energy.. keep your energy pure, honest and share it! The universe always delivers when you are true to you, when you pray and when you have integrity and have faith!!

Walks, biking, books, podcasts, blogs have all helped me – here are a few of my favorite books and author (there are so many others so if you need more, let me know): The Woman’s Book of Confidence by Sue Patton Thoele; The Four Agreements & The Fifth Agreement by Ruiz & Ruiz; I Got You by Rob Hill Sr.; Eckhart Tolles (subscribe to his channel on YouTube); God Where is my Boaz by Stephan Labossiere (audio or book); Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary.

The only person you can control is you! You have control of your thoughts, your emotions, your choices and how you deal with all of it! Create a safe space, choose to be happy, choose to live in the present, in health, peace and balance, choose to smile, to learn, to give and to LOVE!! Take responsibility for your actions and inactions and lastly, be empowered by the power of you! You got this! Happy New Year 2018!!

Rise Up by Andra Day – song!!

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No Coincidences in Life 🌴

They say that people come in and out of your life for a reason/purpose. Sometimes we know the purpose immediately, other times we don’t. And sometimes we don’t realize the purpose until they have left. Some stay in your life forever and others for seconds, perhaps minutes. 

I remember listening to an audio book years ago called “The 5 people you meet in Heaven”. I picked up the book after hearing Hoda Kotb, an NBC Journalist speak about the impact the book had on her and how it helped her get through some really tough times. I too took to the book thinking who will be the 5 people I meet in Heaven and why? 

In the book, the author speaks about Eddie, an older man who met his untimely death while trying to save a little girl and now he’s going through the five stages of Heaven, meeting a person in each of the stages. 

Each person means something and there was a lesson to be learned at each stage. I remember one of the lessons he learned was that there are no random events in life and all individuals and experiences are connected in some way.  Simply put, there are no coincidences.


As I lay here, writing and thinking – today (Monday, June 19th), marks the 1-week anniversary of a man I never knew, I never spoke to him, I never heard his voice, I never once saw him in the street, yet I was chosen by some divine force to witness his untimely death; to kneel beside his helpless and injured body. I just stood there, asking him for his wife’s phone number so I can call her – but no response (yet I wonder if he heard me). He was slowly drifting away. I can feel it, I knew it – I knew he was on his way to Heaven. Felt it coming when the bus I was on was traveling behind him, then next to him and then he was gone…. it was at that point that I felt this connection. I was immediately heart broken for this man and his family. I didn’t know why! I’ve played the scene over and over in my head – thanking God for sparing me the picture of seeing his body being run over by the 3,000 pound bus I was on. But it didn’t matter that I didn’t see the actual impact, I knew it was going to happen the minute we came to close and the bus driver decided to pass him. He was to my right – I can see him and then I couldn’t ~ 

I later learned he died and it felt like I lost a friend! I went home that evening and cried and cried – all night! Woke up hurt, confused and angry. I had to stay home. I began to think that there was something I needed to do besides tell the truth to the media who had the story wrong. So I reached out to the bus company to give my statement, but no call back – no call back till this day.

I spoke to my mom minutes after and it was at that moment that I realized I needed to connect with his family, at least to hear their voice, see a picture, to tell them that he did nothing wrong – he was an innocent cyclist riding to work that morning. It brought me some peace when his wife immediately responded to me and later his two friends. I spoke to one of them several times since the accident but I know they need to heal – so I give them space. 

I suppose I’ve done my part in telling the truth, in giving peace to his family… but still, this man weighs heavy in my thoughts and I ask myself why? 

It’s taken me a week to start writing, to process, to reflect – I know I have to begin to heal and move away from this but I’m just not sure how and if that’s even possible. My bus mates ask how I’m doing and I am grateful. Some ask “what happened?” and it conjures up ill feelings but I know they mean well. My friends and family have been supportive and I’m blessed. Some don’t ask because they know it’s hard.

My anxiety goes through the roof the moment I take my seat on that bus, the moment he/she presses on the break, the moment I see us come close to a bike – I close my eyes! It’s wicked I tell you but I fight through it, every morning and evening since the accident.  

But I ask myself as I lay in my bed – “why me?” 

Why me? As the book stated – there are no random incidents. Something I’ve often stated in my writings “everything happens for a reason”….

But still, why me? Like I haven’t already lost people who have meant the world to me either through death or separation. Like I haven’t gone through enough shit in my 44 years of life! Like I haven’t cried and hurt enough! Why the fuck me and why now? 

Why do I have to lay here and cry – why? (I have no idea why the eye doctor said I have dry eyes – I swear they have no problems producing tears!! Lol – now stop crying – I want you to read past this…we got this far and because truth be told, it’s also hard for me to write if I’m balling.. this is going to stop now!) I think…maybe not! 


(Con’d… 6/20) 

So back to why? I initially thought (and still believe) that I was meant to be on that bus to be his eyes and ears! To speak out the truth to all who got the story wrong. To be able to tell his wife that her husband was the victim of a bad accident and that there was nothing he could do to avoid it (he didn’t see it coming). But there’s more to the why, there has to be. 

I now realize that the why also means that I needed a reality check! That I needed to open up my eyes and see this beautiful world we live in and that no matter the bad apples who come into your life to deplete your energy, there are so many beautiful apples (seeds) to be planted, groomed, to be picked, savored and enjoyed. 

That no matter how bad things may feel or get, that your perception of those times are flawed by the circumstance and doesn’t means it’s forever!

That life is filled with so many beautiful things, people and opportunities, and that WE MUST make time for those we love, WE MUST make time to take care of ourselves first and others, that WE MUST appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly because it teaches us so many lessons, that WE MUST live each day as if it was our last because we NEVER know when it’ll be our last and lastly, WE MUST always do right by our neighbor! It doesn’t matter what, why or how; when someone needs you or when you are called to the aid of someone by some divine calling – you just go! 

So that’s my WHY! 

Rest in eternal peace the friend I never knew – you join the many amazing men I know in Heaven 🌴 

#DanHanegby #06122017 – Thank you for opening my eyes once again! ❤️🙏🏽

  

One year anniversary 

One year ago today I embarked on the biggest, most impressive, indulging, evolving, fruitful, emotional, life-changing, scary, happiest, challenging and eye-opening experience ever – I left a marriage and moved into my very own apartment, alone! Let the journey begin!

In that year, I met an amazing man, I dealt with really difficult situations with my children, I lost one of my best friends to suicide, my family home was lost in a fire, I dealt with the loss of people whom I thought were my friends, I gained and reconnected with old friends, bonds with existing friends became stronger; and I was becoming and growing into a new me – facing new and interesting challenges!

Shoot, I’m still learning a new me, but then again – isn’t that what life is about? Learning, recreating, testing the waters, challenging your thoughts – it’s never about complacency or living in a comfort box!

I have new found faith in God & this universe and as I look around my apartment, I realize and appreciate my blessings and the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me this past year! I know that when one door closes others open in some form or fashion. As I sit here on my deck the entire day and I meditate, reflect, write and recount this past year – I know that I am blessed and thankful for everything that has happened!

I am a stronger woman, mother and human being. I’ve learned so much and while I know that I’m not perfect, I do know I’m a great person with the capacity to love and give selflessly – I’m happy to be me! I’m proud of me because I did it! Yeah me 👍🏼☺️

What’s especially cool about being me in this place is that I’m growing and most importantly, I am willing to grow & for that I’m proud of me. ☺️

To those that have been by my side this past year, listening to my cries & worries, pushing me on days I felt hopeless & helpless, loving me when I felt I wasn’t deserving, for showing me what a great & loving relationship can look like, for giving me chance after chance when I screwed up, for empowering me and telling me “you got this”, for those who simply said “you inspire me; your strength and resilience is empowering”, for those who kicked my ass and set me straight when I needed it no matter how much it hurt, and lastly to everyone who loves me despite my flaws; who truly love me unconditionally – I thank you because truth be told, I could not have done this if not for your love, trust and confidence in me!

Humbly thankful & eternally grateful!

Here’s to another great year filled with love, laughter, health, prosperity, cries, lessons, growth, happiness and smiles! Yes smiles and happiness – it’s what I want and will make sure to have!

Special homage ~~

To my childhood best friend for helping me stay grounded & your honesty even when it hurt!

To my friend who is no longer here ~ gracias por tener fe en mi ~

One month today…

One month ago today I embarked on the biggest journey of my life – I walked away from a 25 year marriage and moved into my very first apartment! It was indeed the hardest, thought-out, soul-searching, painful, heart-wrenching and yet, most liberating decision I have ever made!

While I had been contemplating my decision for years & had been separated for months; running every possible scenario, emotion, feeling and thought in my mind – I tell you that nothing, and I mean nothing, quite prepares you for the moment when you walk away from a home you called home for 25 years, and into your new home, your new home as a single woman, a woman alone, and there is no one there but you, your soul, your spirit, your mind – you can hear your heart beat, and there’s no one there to tell you to quiet the sound down! Your knees feel like they are going to buckle but you have this inner strength that keeps you standing tall. You feel like you are going to burst, you feel like yelling “why” but instead you tell yourself “you got this”!

You realize in that moment that there is no turning back, that your life has just begun and that there is no room right now to cry, to hurt, to regret, to think too much about life (other than your own); that living in the moment must be first!

It is at that moment that you realize that life goes on, that there is in fact a tomorrow & a world of endless opportunities. That you can in fact endure anything that comes your way regardless of what your mind & others tell you!

It is at that moment that your life flashes through your eyes. It is then and through the next couple of weeks, that you realize who matters & what matters in your life – who is & was your friend, who is your acquaintance or someone you once knew; who was there for you – even if for a moment, and who continues to be there for you in your new journey ~

A month later as I sit laying on my couch talking into Siri because I’m too lazy to type the words that are coming out of my mouth, I realize how strong I am, how resilient I am, how blessed I am, and how loved I am by those that really matter! Those that took & continue to take the time despite their own personal opinions and feelings, to check in on me, to tell me that they were or are thinking about me, to send me positive vibes, and to send me strength and love because deep down inside they know that it is what I would need to get by. To send me notes of encouragement, or notes of gratitude because I displayed strength for many women who don’t have it!

Some days are easy and great, other days are mediocre but I get by, other days are amazing because I get to spend them with people who have added amazing energy to my soul & my life; other days are emotionally & mentally difficult and perhaps there’s that moment or need and/or urgency to cry – but yet no tears come – it is at that moment that I realize that I have cried & shed all the tears I can possibly shed; that my soul and heart are not as broken as I thought and was told they would be; that I am not lost or confused or regretful; that I now have an ex who has been civil & respectful of the process & my decision; that I have a couple of amazing friends left who always find the time to check in on a girl despite the strength I display to the world because deep down inside they get it; that I have an incredible community of support; that I am truly blessed to have my children; that I am incredibly lucky & blessed beyond words to have been allowed by the universe to explore a burst of energy that has been tolerant, patient, understanding, loving, giving and supportive of me.

I now know that I have had more good days than bad, and I owe it all to God, to the universe, to my amazing friends and support, to my children who love their mom no matter what, to me for loving me first.

I can write on and on and on, but I will end this post by saying that life does go on regardless of what you’ve been through, what you think you cannot endure, and that as women, we have this incredible strength that lies deep within our soul, and if you can reach for it – it will never let you down!

Peace, love & soul!
Lanette

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Only I can write my story….

I have not written a piece in a bit; a little over two months to be exact. Perhaps it’s out of laziness, or maybe it’s because there hasn’t been much time – but I really think it’s because so much has happened, and getting my thoughts on paper (well in my case a notes app) is a lot harder than one thinks!

Last piece I wrote was about living outside ones comfort zone, and not fully living if you’re living within safe boundaries! The piece before that was reminiscent of my childhood…. So it’s definitely time to write….

If you’ve read my posts before, then you know I’m quite the comedian, a realist if you will, an incredibly honest and forthcoming person, and one that truly believes (regardless of opinion) in sharing my journey because in some form or fashion, it helps to reaffirm all that is me, and helps to empower other women along the way!

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A friend posted the quote above on Facebook recently, and while I’ve posted hundreds of empowering quotes, this particular one stood out for me because it reminded me that “I” am the only one who gets to write my story.

Interesting ha? We all say this, know this, encourage others to believe this – but often, we are the ones allowing others to hold the pen and write on our behalf; we allow others to erase and rewrite sentences, change words, erase words, explain our ideas, give their opinions – leaving us with a piece written to the likes of others and not truly for ourselves! Get the picture?

Yes, one could argue that in the real world, whether we like it or not, we must conform in some way or another to that of others (children, partners, family, friends….you get the picture).

But for the sake of argument – let’s just all agree to focus on YOU! The importance of knowing that you are in control of you, that you truly can write your story, that while you can chose to accept the opinions of others – that you my friend, at the end of the day, are the author of your own story!

Like children who are born not yet knowing how to compromise (I know you’ve seen the kids walk the streets with rain boots and a cape in the winter – just because they said so!!) we too must dig deep within our soul, our essence, our innocence and not let our journey be derailed – we must stay true to our ideas, our words, our beliefs, and most importantly, ourselves!

I spared you the details of all that has gone on in my life the past 8 months…
the past three months in particular (I will share the ugly, the bad and the beautiful soon enough); but I will share this much with you now – I “have” been holding the pen and have been writing my story for the past 2 1/2 years!! It has not been the least bit easy – but it has been liberating, freeing, whole, and I tell you my friend that I have not put down my pen, I have not allowed others to use my pen (not even for a second), and I have not allowed others to sway me to write a different story!

I remain the author of my journey…..

I will continue to reach for the top and live as if I’m already there….

I will continues to be led by positive energy and the universe….

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Scale of Justice – finding balance

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It’s been some time since I’ve written. Life has been super busy! From the daily happenings of a new job, to the daily happenings of life outside and inside of home – it’s been a constant juggling act. As I lay in my bed staring outside my window I realize that life is really about balancing it all, and how well you balance it can mean the difference between feeling stressed, consumed and unsure, to feeling at peace, relaxed & balanced (for lack of a better word).

Much like a “scale for justice”, there are days and moments when certain priorities outweigh others; sometimes there isn’t enough room to add more on the scale – causing it to trip.

But for me, and many others – the goal is often about balancing rather than trying to decide which is more important!

Life the past couple of months have been testy to say the least. My children have challenged me in ways that I often don’t understand but yet I “get”. It’s forced me to take a deeper look into my parenting skills/decisions; in some cases required me to raise my tolerance level, and in some form & fashion – forced me to take a step back and say “I can’t fix or change everything”! I’ve done my best, and some things are just meant to happen – for it provides experiences that shape our thinking, values, and decision making process! It even provides for a clearer definition of “accountability”!

My job has challenged me to think creatively & strategically! To realize and understand my pep peeves; to raise my tolerance level, and to help me to understand my own strengths and weaknesses! It’s given me a new found appreciation of what it means to manage, lead, empower and change. I realize that my skin is a lot thicker, and I am a lot smarter than what I give myself credit for!

Balancing it all is truly an art form. Takes time, practice, resiliency, endurance and even then, there is no perfection! Something will always come up that will make the scale shift! In a perfect world we’d like that scale of justice to stay equal on both sides…. But truth be told – we live in an imperfect world!

Wishing you all inner peace & continued balance ~

L>