Fierce & Fearless at 40!!
One of my most dearest friends recently told me how proud of me she was – that despite all the trials & tribulations I have gone through this past year, that I still muster up a smile, still have a sence of humor, display confindence and that I am a champion!
I’m closing this 39-year chapter with a bang and beginning a new one with an explosion of such magnitude that only I have the power to put it out – because at the end of the day, I am in control.
So I ask myself, what does the next chapter in my life look like? In all honesty, I am unable to answer that without pure, deep, personal self-reflection. There were so many life lessons, most recently the death of my beloved grandmother – but not one ounce of regret! You see, for I have never lived my life with regret. Never once did I regret being a teenage mom, marrying young, dropping out of college at 19 & returning as an adult, moving away, my career choices and the many jobs I’ve had following “the career”, the people I have let into my life & heart and my many ventures of community service…etc etc…
Not one ounce of regret lives in my soul, travels my veins nor lives in my subconcious! I see every one of these challenges (for sake of a better word) as a stepping-stone to where I am now! A sucessful, powerful, strong and educated woman (and beautiful…lol). And while I may not be 100% sure of what I wanna be when I grow up (lol)… I am, however, in a much better place. I am on a journey to better health, I am continuously learning how the mind works and how it aligns with our heart and our everyday decisions & actions.
Truth be told, I am wiser, stronger, healthier, smarter; a better woman, friend, mother, wife, sister, daughter – all because of my previous chapter!
In my new chapter – my 40’s…I plan to travel more, to visit places I’ve always wanted to discover, to go back to school because I thrive on the art of learning…perhaps I’ll pursue a second masters and/or I’ll go for the PHd….haven’t quite decided but I do know it’s going to happen! To spend time with my friends, for they mean the world to me – they were my rock in my deepest and most scariest of moments. I would also take out some time to love myself more…for I realized how precious and fulfilling self-love can be…it’s quite a humbling experience, one I cannot put into words – you just need to feel it.
My therapist once told me – “stay true to your core”… I’ve often in my conversations with friends have told them the same thing – this is what I will continue to do. You need to define for urself what that is, but for me it means just being honest, to speak up when it feels wrong, acknowledging my emotions whether they are great or sad; learning how to say no without feeling guilty…and most important – to continue to love hard…regardless of the hurt that may come from it.
As I count down the days to my big 4-0….yeah, I said it (age ain’t nothing but a number), I think back to all the wonderful memories, lessons learned and love (and love lost) I’ve endured and I will carry it forward (because when you live with no regrets, there is nothing to leave in the past)!
Like my friend Anna told me not too long ago – I am strong, confident and a champion!
In my grandmother’s honor I will celebrate on January 27th a new chapter in my life ~
Happy Birthday to me….Happy Birthday Lanette!!!