Anticipation

The past week has been tough emotionally; my grandmother is ill & frail and seems to be riding the #1 train to and from health! One minute it’s the dreaded “she’s not doing well” call to the “she told the lady next door (roomate) to shut-up because she was complaining too much” call. Not even sure whether or not to answer my mother’s or siblings call because the truth is, I don’t know how I am going to feel when the caller says “she’s gone”.

The anticipation makes your heart race when you least expect it; the anticipation makes your mind wander whenever there is a break in your otherwise busy day; the anticipation puts life in perspective – making sure you live your day to the fullest because you know someone you love is not so lucky to be living-it-up! The anticipation just makes you really really sad because you know deep in your soul, someone you love dearly, someone who helped to raise you, someone who fed you, played “jacks and jump rope” with you, someone who you cooked with and cooked for you, someone who you watched novelas with, someone who let you do corn-braids in her hair just because, someone you went on walks with, someone who just lived right around the corner and someone you can count on sitting in her chair by the window so when you walk by you can look up and wave and she’ll wave back – anticipation because that someone, my welita, is slowly withering.

No longer that feisty, cute, rambunctious lady who was not afraid, despite her 4foot presence, to tell you to shut-it-up!! She’s no longer able to take her walks to McDonald’s for her burger because she was “not cooking”; she’s no longer able to get her friday afternoon pizza, or wash clothes in the laundramat across the street.

Sad that she can no longer do these things; she’s now bed-ridden being cared for by family and hospice!

The anticipation of imagining life without my welita is heart breaking and no matter how prepared you think you are, the truth is that the anticipation drains you, stabs you at your heart, pinches at the nerves and just makes you really sad!

Oh the anticipation…….my welita

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