“Wanting What You Know U Can’t Have”

Dan Millman, author of the Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives states “If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever.”

Confused yet? …

My friend once told me that as humans, it is in our genetic makeup to want something we can’t have because either 1) we never had it and our desire to experience creates an illusion of what it would be like, 2) the “want” was in our reach and it was taken away (therefore, we never had an opportunity to experience it), and/or 3) restrictions were laid out – making the gratification far more reaching/exciting.

I know that at some point in our lives we have all experienced this sense of “want” – from wanting to eat a certain food (bread is my daemon), to the stylish stilettos we don’t need, to the man you think is “the one”… to that glass of wine calling your name at 10am (hey, it’s lunch and dinner somewhere).

Whatever it is that this note reminds you of – you all know how heart-wrenching and thought-provoking the feeling is! So what do we do with all these feelings, emotions, illusions that we have mustered up in our psyche:
1) Truth be told that the “want” may not ever go away completely, but asking yourself “does the gratification outweigh the risks”? Is it really and/or will it be worth it?

2) After you’ve taken some time to reflect – ask yourself why you “want” it. Perhaps you will realize that looking for other similar forms of gratification may be a better and safer option – it may quench that thirst and please your craving!

More often than not, you may have convinced yourself why that “want” is so vital to your health when after you’ve thought it through, you figure out that “it really was not that serious” and/or have you asked yourself – “how would I feel if after I have that “want”, it is not at all what I expected” OR “how would I feel if after I have that “want” – I want “more”….

And lastly 3) you’ve thought it out and despite it all, you still “want it” – I say go for it!

At the end of the day, you and only you will have to live with your decisions and the effects that it may have on others. There’s no worse feeling than regret – but I suppose guilt and the feeling of remorsefulness can top it off – depends on who you ask and what side of the coin they’re betting on!

At the end of the day, we must follow our gut, stay true to our core and do what we want. Others may feel that you need to think about how others will feel… blah, blah, blah….

The fact is that we live in a world full of “double-standards” and no matter what our purpose, our feelings, our desires – there will undoubtedly be someone in our circle who will disagree or be disappointed in your actions.

Again, it is “you” who has to live with the decision, the consequences, the gratification (if you will) of your decision/actions. Live it up; follow your heart, your desires, your “wants” …..

To you my friend, I say think wisely – you only live once and as a friend once told me “you have to put your needs and wants first”!!

Love, Lanette


One thought on ““Wanting What You Know U Can’t Have”

  1. Mary

    Lanette, I am loving your blog, thank you for expressing your thoughts and inspirations!!!!! Keep doing what your doing, you are truly amazing !!!!! xoxo!!!!!
    I could really relate to this entry, I often base what I want around what would make others happy. I have become preoccupied with not hurting feelings and worrying about other peoples opinions that I don’t stay true to myself and what I really want…I struggle between what I want vs what others expect of me, as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee etc… I think we all feel this way at times, but I am learning to put myself first every once in a while, my goal and journey right now is to find balance … To not be too selfish, but not totally give up myself or my wants/needs either …. and it is a work in progress for sure!!!



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