Happy Monday peeps! Be #loud #bold #confident #secure #understanding #loving #patient and remember that everyday is an opportunity to #learn something new, to #empower yourself and others, and to #grow. And never forget to #ownyourtruth ❤️ have a magical Monday 😘
They say that people come in and out of your life for a reason/purpose. Sometimes we know the purpose immediately, other times we don’t. And sometimes we don’t realize the purpose until they have left. Some stay in your life forever and others for seconds, perhaps minutes.
I remember listening to an audio book years ago called “The 5 people you meet in Heaven”. I picked up the book after hearing Hoda Kotb, an NBC Journalist speak about the impact the book had on her and how it helped her get through some really tough times. I too took to the book thinking who will be the 5 people I meet in Heaven and why?
In the book, the author speaks about Eddie, an older man who met his untimely death while trying to save a little girl and now he’s going through the five stages of Heaven, meeting a person in each of the stages.
Each person means something and there was a lesson to be learned at each stage. I remember one of the lessons he learned was that there are no random events in life and all individuals and experiences are connected in some way. Simply put, there are no coincidences.
As I lay here, writing and thinking – today (Monday, June 19th), marks the 1-week anniversary of a man I never knew, I never spoke to him, I never heard his voice, I never once saw him in the street, yet I was chosen by some divine force to witness his untimely death; to kneel beside his helpless and injured body. I just stood there, asking him for his wife’s phone number so I can call her – but no response (yet I wonder if he heard me). He was slowly drifting away. I can feel it, I knew it – I knew he was on his way to Heaven. Felt it coming when the bus I was on was traveling behind him, then next to him and then he was gone…. it was at that point that I felt this connection. I was immediately heart broken for this man and his family. I didn’t know why! I’ve played the scene over and over in my head – thanking God for sparing me the picture of seeing his body being run over by the 3,000 pound bus I was on. But it didn’t matter that I didn’t see the actual impact, I knew it was going to happen the minute we came to close and the bus driver decided to pass him. He was to my right – I can see him and then I couldn’t ~
I later learned he died and it felt like I lost a friend! I went home that evening and cried and cried – all night! Woke up hurt, confused and angry. I had to stay home. I began to think that there was something I needed to do besides tell the truth to the media who had the story wrong. So I reached out to the bus company to give my statement, but no call back – no call back till this day.
I spoke to my mom minutes after and it was at that moment that I realized I needed to connect with his family, at least to hear their voice, see a picture, to tell them that he did nothing wrong – he was an innocent cyclist riding to work that morning. It brought me some peace when his wife immediately responded to me and later his two friends. I spoke to one of them several times since the accident but I know they need to heal – so I give them space.
I suppose I’ve done my part in telling the truth, in giving peace to his family… but still, this man weighs heavy in my thoughts and I ask myself why?
It’s taken me a week to start writing, to process, to reflect – I know I have to begin to heal and move away from this but I’m just not sure how and if that’s even possible. My bus mates ask how I’m doing and I am grateful. Some ask “what happened?” and it conjures up ill feelings but I know they mean well. My friends and family have been supportive and I’m blessed. Some don’t ask because they know it’s hard.
My anxiety goes through the roof the moment I take my seat on that bus, the moment he/she presses on the break, the moment I see us come close to a bike – I close my eyes! It’s wicked I tell you but I fight through it, every morning and evening since the accident.
But I ask myself as I lay in my bed – “why me?”
Why me? As the book stated – there are no random incidents. Something I’ve often stated in my writings “everything happens for a reason”….
But still, why me? Like I haven’t already lost people who have meant the world to me either through death or separation. Like I haven’t gone through enough shit in my 44 years of life! Like I haven’t cried and hurt enough! Why the fuck me and why now?
Why do I have to lay here and cry – why? (I have no idea why the eye doctor said I have dry eyes – I swear they have no problems producing tears!! Lol – now stop crying – I want you to read past this…we got this far and because truth be told, it’s also hard for me to write if I’m balling.. this is going to stop now!) I think…maybe not!
So back to why? I initially thought (and still believe) that I was meant to be on that bus to be his eyes and ears! To speak out the truth to all who got the story wrong. To be able to tell his wife that her husband was the victim of a bad accident and that there was nothing he could do to avoid it (he didn’t see it coming). But there’s more to the why, there has to be.
I now realize that the why also means that I needed a reality check! That I needed to open up my eyes and see this beautiful world we live in and that no matter the bad apples who come into your life to deplete your energy, there are so many beautiful apples (seeds) to be planted, groomed, to be picked, savored and enjoyed.
That no matter how bad things may feel or get, that your perception of those times are flawed by the circumstance and doesn’t means it’s forever!
That life is filled with so many beautiful things, people and opportunities, and that WE MUST make time for those we love, WE MUST make time to take care of ourselves first and others, that WE MUST appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly because it teaches us so many lessons, that WE MUST live each day as if it was our last because we NEVER know when it’ll be our last and lastly, WE MUST always do right by our neighbor! It doesn’t matter what, why or how; when someone needs you or when you are called to the aid of someone by some divine calling – you just go!
So that’s my WHY!
Rest in eternal peace the friend I never knew – you join the many amazing men I know in Heaven 🌴
#DanHanegby #06122017 – Thank you for opening my eyes once again! ❤️🙏🏽
This is deep….
As much as I preach to “own your truth”, to “live outside your comfort zone” and to “love yourself first”, it’s easy to allow outside noise influence what goes on in your brain and the choices you ultimately make!
You are/we are who we are: smart, beautiful, wise and loving (and so much more) and it’s so important that we never dumb ourselves down for anyone; that we not loose who we are and what we are meant to be, that we not be intimidated by the weakness of others and lastly, that we not forget that a mind is a beautiful thing to waste simply because those in our circle may be too weak to accept and appreciate it! Ladies, work on that circle you keep because not everyone is meant to be in it and/or stay there!
As our wonderful First Lady Michelle Obama said “don’t apologize for it”! Be true to you and always #ownyourtruth because as I’ve said before, the world will adjust! Sometimes I even need to be reminded and there ain’t nothing wrong with that! Now let’s be #AMAZING #MUJERES #LADIES
Follow my blog at http://www.lovingmefirstblog.wordpress.com ❤️🎤
What does this tree symbolize to you? While the palm tree is my favorite tree (and I’ve written about it before), this tree however, resonates so deeply with me! To me it tells me that when you are deeply rooted, you can branch out in any form but your root, that’s your foundation and nothing (not even a storm) can uproot you!
Yeah, the healthiest of trees have been uprooted; even the most solid & aged trees – but that doesn’t happen often (there’s usually some circumstance beyond our control and sometimes we are simply not taking care of it [ourselves]).
You may have some dead branches or perhaps some of the leaves have dried out and are holding on by its last vein, or maybe it simply falls off, but the root, well that only grows deeper in the soil. Rich in nutrients that continue to add to the life of each branch and leaf and perhaps flower.
This tree is soaring, dancing, living, growing and is simply beautiful! If there is anything that we can learn about trees, it would be that we need to appreciate them (ourselves), we need to take care of them (water it and cut off old branches to allow for further growth), we need to breathe them in (take in the beauty that you are) and lastly, allow it to grow (don’t let anything hinder its potential)!
Trees can prosper without sunlight but imagine what a little love and light can do!! So my peeps, take a deep look at this gorgeous life (the tree & you) and reflect – think about the beauty and it’s endless possibilities! #peace & #love to you all – always ❤️🏝
My last day in warm Fort Lauderdale and what an amazing time I had. To share, laugh, eat, dance and just be with three amazing women is my blessing! I forgot how hard one can laugh; that belly holding, body crunching, can’t breathe, almost pee-on-yourself kinda laugh…. and sometimes for no reason! Almost as if the laughter had been oppressed for months and years or maybe it’s because my cousins are just too damn silly! Either way the laughter brought so much relief – to be with women who get you, who love you just because you are you, to be a silly little girl, to be the woman you are and to be loved unconditionally – like, what’s better than that? #blessed
My cousin and bestie did a quick mall run as we count down the hours before we depart; my other cousin made it back home safely this morning.
I decided to stay behind and take these few hours to enjoy the ocean breeze alone, to hear the ocean waves, write, reflect and think not to far ahead, but enough to keep me balanced, focused and happy (inside and out).
It’s not a coincidence that every trip to Florida (with the exception of one) has not come after a hardship, almost as if God knew the warmth of the sun and the ocean is what I will need to help me get through! I swear he knows what he is doing – he always delivers!
The ocean – it’s a calling deeply rooted in my soul, something I can’t explain but I feel it. We all have that thing that brings internal calmness. For some it’s a walk, hike, meditation, yoga, a bike ride but for me, it’s the ocean. I swear it’s where I belong. If I can end my day every day and wake up every day to the sounds and the smell of the ocean, I’d be in heaven on earth.
The ocean doesn’t care who you are, what you’ve been through, where you’re going – the ocean is just there. The waves can be subtle or enormous, the sounds easy or powerful, the smell soft or strong, the breeze gentle or hard but the view – the view is priceless…. the variations of it all is truly breathtaking.
The ocean is my reminder that while you can see its beginning (the shore) – the ending is no where in sight…. a true reflection of the experiences we live through. The ocean for me signifies a cleansing. I brought it all my hurt, worries, sadness, confusion, anger and I left it there…. by the shore and it washed it all away…. no more worries, no more confusion, no more anger – the sadness and hurt washing away with each wave…. the waves come to you but it’s taking away what is left left at the shore making it untouchable!
The ocean is my spiritual connection ~
The ocean is my safe space ~
The ocean is my detox ~
The ocean is my inner peace ~
The ocean is my ocean.
I go back home renewed. Reminded by the ocean that I had been there before and I return every time wiser, stronger, eternally youthful, and blessed to have spent some time with it!
I know I’ll be back to visit in several weeks. To take in the sun, the sounds, the smell, to enjoy and laugh, and to remember that nothing or no one can damper my spirit, just like the ocean – let it go Lanette ~
Blessed beyond my soul ~
Mom, how come you’re fine being alone in the house (after my break-up)?
My first response was that of a joke “honestly, I’m use to it… been through this twice: three times a charm (with the same person)!” We both laughed, “true” was her response.
She said “oh no, I’ll be going crazy, you’re like nothing!”
After the brief humor (like what’s life without humor?) I stated that I am OK being alone. Happiness starts from within and as long as I am happy within, then being alone is just a state of mind and besides I’m not alone – I have the world at my finger tips! I further stated that while I may appear fine at the moment, my heart does experience sadness at times. But I do know that the universe knows exactly what it’s doing and at the end of the day, we can’t fight against the inevitable. What’s not meant to be will not be! Period!
She looked at me in dismay (I think she thought I was probably gonna loose it) and said “wow”! I just said, “it’s all good, I’m good and life goes on!” And that was the end of that conversation.
But I made a mistake! I did not ask her how she felt! This wasn’t only about me, this was about her and anyone else who may have been impacted by my relationship.
We’re always so quick to say that it doesn’t matter how anyone else feels, it’s your shoes that you walk in and it’s your relationship. While that may be all true, I’ve learned to realize that in fact our relationships affect other people and particularly our children (no matter the age).
You see, she had to learn to care for and see her mom with someone who is not her dad. She had to learn to trust and to respect this person who has entered not only her mother’s life but in default, her life as well.
When she first heard of the break-up the first thing she said was “I learned to care for someone then he’s gone!”. At the moment, all I can said say was that I was sorry and that she had my full permission to always stay in touch, if that is what she desired. There is no malice.
As mothers and parents we have a big responsibility. It’s not just to provide Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, but also to nurture our children, to teach them right from wrong, to give them responsibilities, to love them, to forgive them, to be there when they most need you because truly the love a parent has for a child is unconditional; but what I feel one of the biggest responsibilities that we don’t often think about is that of modeling good behavior. No matter their age, our children look at us to see how we respond to difficult situations, to see how we act out when we are hurt or angry, and lastly they watch our every move – as if they were playing chess with us, ready to check our ass when we say or do something against what we’ve told/taught them! You know it’s true! If you’re a parent then most likely you’ve heard them say “but you do it!”
In the case with my daughter, it doesn’t mean that I only show her this strong exterior all the time. There’s been plenty of times where I’ve cried in front of her for one reason or another. Where I’ve had to handle tough situations or maybe it was her and something she may have done or said. But my point here is to tell and SHOW her that a break-up, no matter how hurtful or debilitating it can be, regardless of who’s fault it is, it’s always important to remain rational. At the end of the day, what will being irrational get you? You may say some comfort, even if it’s for a brief couple of minutes, but truth be told the pain will stay there until you heal, forgive and accept what no longer is. Healing cannot begin if you’re still angry, and that’s a fact! So why waste your time!
At the moment I was feeling great, there were no feelings creeping up but I can sense she was nervous, not knowing what to expect from her mom who just broke up with a man she deeply cared for. Allz I can tell her was that at the moment I was fine and that I have a lot of great days and when moments of sadness creep up, I allow myself to have them but I don’t sit there! I can’t and I won’t! Been there and done that and it’s gotten me no where. I’ve realized that life is too short and we must appreciate each day we have – so I leave it in Gods hands!
She quickly relaxed and I can see she was ok with my being ok!
I later spoke to her to check in, to apologize to her for not asking how she was doing and letting her know that although this is my break-up, I recognize that my break-up can affect other people and that I did not want to make the same mistake as I have in the past by thinking it’s no one else’s business. That if she needs to talk about it, I am here to listen.
Her response “it just effects me if it effects you, thats why i asked if you were okay. Im always here for you to talk to also , i know its easy to b poker face but dont feel alone ever .. youll find what youre looking for and deserve. Love you 😘” (my 21 year old)
As it is our first instinct to take care of our children when they are hurt, I believe they too feel the same exact way. They want to protect you, fix you, and sometimes stay away from you because they don’t want to see you hurt or don’t know how to deal.
Either way, we owe it to our children to let them know that we are here for them as well. That while break-ups are never easy regardless of the situation, we must handle it with integrity and humility, respect for one’s self and the other person (if applicable! Hey, sometimes you just need to let that shit go and never ever look back – I’m sorry!) and we must continue to live life to the fullest!
Trust that the universe knows exactly what it is doing! 💪🏽 pa’lante!!
“To look where you are going is to be motivated by fear; to go where you are looking is to be driven by desire, confidence and vision. If you know you can handle whatever cracks and bumps come along, you do not have to watch the pavement all the time. Instead you can move full speed ahead with your eye on the goal.” [Excerpt – Get Out Of Your Own Way]
Love this excerpt; a subtle reminder that often we know where we are going but can get easily distracted at all the noise that surrounds us. I truly feel that the noise is there to help you reinforce your goals, to test your boundaries, to see if you can stand strong under pressure and to help you stay balanced (or not – it’s really up to you)!
You see, outside noise is unpredictable, it’s always going to be there and lastly, there’s no sure-fire-way we can get rid of it, so instead we have to adjust ourselves and learn to navigate through it. Know your boundaries, keep tools in the tool box to help you get out of jams, always keep your eyes on the prize and never let your pride, ego and others get in the way!
Hit the ground running with integrity, passion and love because when those things are deeply rooted, everything else is merely an eye-sore! 😘