One month today…

One month ago today I embarked on the biggest journey of my life – I walked away from a 25 year marriage and moved into my very first apartment! It was indeed the hardest, thought-out, soul-searching, painful, heart-wrenching and yet, most liberating decision I have ever made!

While I had been contemplating my decision for years & had been separated for months; running every possible scenario, emotion, feeling and thought in my mind – I tell you that nothing, and I mean nothing, quite prepares you for the moment when you walk away from a home you called home for 25 years, and into your new home, your new home as a single woman, a woman alone, and there is no one there but you, your soul, your spirit, your mind – you can hear your heart beat, and there’s no one there to tell you to quiet the sound down! Your knees feel like they are going to buckle but you have this inner strength that keeps you standing tall. You feel like you are going to burst, you feel like yelling “why” but instead you tell yourself “you got this”!

You realize in that moment that there is no turning back, that your life has just begun and that there is no room right now to cry, to hurt, to regret, to think too much about life (other than your own); that living in the moment must be first!

It is at that moment that you realize that life goes on, that there is in fact a tomorrow & a world of endless opportunities. That you can in fact endure anything that comes your way regardless of what your mind & others tell you!

It is at that moment that your life flashes through your eyes. It is then and through the next couple of weeks, that you realize who matters & what matters in your life – who is & was your friend, who is your acquaintance or someone you once knew; who was there for you – even if for a moment, and who continues to be there for you in your new journey ~

A month later as I sit laying on my couch talking into Siri because I’m too lazy to type the words that are coming out of my mouth, I realize how strong I am, how resilient I am, how blessed I am, and how loved I am by those that really matter! Those that took & continue to take the time despite their own personal opinions and feelings, to check in on me, to tell me that they were or are thinking about me, to send me positive vibes, and to send me strength and love because deep down inside they know that it is what I would need to get by. To send me notes of encouragement, or notes of gratitude because I displayed strength for many women who don’t have it!

Some days are easy and great, other days are mediocre but I get by, other days are amazing because I get to spend them with people who have added amazing energy to my soul & my life; other days are emotionally & mentally difficult and perhaps there’s that moment or need and/or urgency to cry – but yet no tears come – it is at that moment that I realize that I have cried & shed all the tears I can possibly shed; that my soul and heart are not as broken as I thought and was told they would be; that I am not lost or confused or regretful; that I now have an ex who has been civil & respectful of the process & my decision; that I have a couple of amazing friends left who always find the time to check in on a girl despite the strength I display to the world because deep down inside they get it; that I have an incredible community of support; that I am truly blessed to have my children; that I am incredibly lucky & blessed beyond words to have been allowed by the universe to explore a burst of energy that has been tolerant, patient, understanding, loving, giving and supportive of me.

I now know that I have had more good days than bad, and I owe it all to God, to the universe, to my amazing friends and support, to my children who love their mom no matter what, to me for loving me first.

I can write on and on and on, but I will end this post by saying that life does go on regardless of what you’ve been through, what you think you cannot endure, and that as women, we have this incredible strength that lies deep within our soul, and if you can reach for it – it will never let you down!

Peace, love & soul!
Lanette

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Only I can write my story….

I have not written a piece in a bit; a little over two months to be exact. Perhaps it’s out of laziness, or maybe it’s because there hasn’t been much time – but I really think it’s because so much has happened, and getting my thoughts on paper (well in my case a notes app) is a lot harder than one thinks!

Last piece I wrote was about living outside ones comfort zone, and not fully living if you’re living within safe boundaries! The piece before that was reminiscent of my childhood…. So it’s definitely time to write….

If you’ve read my posts before, then you know I’m quite the comedian, a realist if you will, an incredibly honest and forthcoming person, and one that truly believes (regardless of opinion) in sharing my journey because in some form or fashion, it helps to reaffirm all that is me, and helps to empower other women along the way!

A friend posted the quote above on Facebook recently, and while I’ve posted hundreds of empowering quotes, this particular one stood out for me because it reminded me that “I” am the only one who gets to write my story.

Interesting ha? We all say this, know this, encourage others to believe this – but often, we are the ones allowing others to hold the pen and write on our behalf; we allow others to erase and rewrite sentences, change words, erase words, explain our ideas, give their opinions – leaving us with a piece written to the likes of others and not truly for ourselves! Get the picture?

Yes, one could argue that in the real world, whether we like it or not, we must conform in some way or another to that of others (children, partners, family, friends….you get the picture).

But for the sake of argument – let’s just all agree to focus on YOU! The importance of knowing that you are in control of you, that you truly can write your story, that while you can chose to accept the opinions of others – that you my friend, at the end of the day, are the author of your own story!

Like children who are born not yet knowing how to compromise (I know you’ve seen the kids walk the streets with rain boots and a cape in the winter – just because they said so!!) we too must dig deep within our soul, our essence, our innocence and not let our journey be derailed – we must stay true to our ideas, our words, our beliefs, and most importantly, ourselves!

I spared you the details of all that has gone on in my life the past 8 months…
the past three months in particular (I will share the ugly, the bad and the beautiful soon enough); but I will share this much with you now – I “have” been holding the pen and have been writing my story for the past 2 1/2 years!! It has not been the least bit easy – but it has been liberating, freeing, whole, and I tell you my friend that I have not put down my pen, I have not allowed others to use my pen (not even for a second), and I have not allowed others to sway me to write a different story!

I remain the author of my journey…..

I will continue to reach for the top and live as if I’m already there….

I will continues to be led by positive energy and the universe….